Well, with whimsy this soulless, a better question becomes how could it hit? Santa Claus Conquers the Martians not only bombed in its day, it remains too grindingly stupid even to function as camp. (And it's a perennial entry in the Internet Movie Database's bottom 100 films as determined by its users.) Turns out you'll need more than Pia Zadora in her screen debut to guarantee an audience with the Mystery Science Theater crowd. (She plays a Martian child named Girmar, short for "girl Martian"; her brother is of course named Bomar, with Momar as Mommy Martian and Kimar for King.) The fact is that Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is just too stupid - not stupid in the Ed Wood way, but exasperatingly, tediously stupid - to view in a single sitting.
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