Robin Thicke's New Album Titled 'Paula': Ten More Cringe-Worthy Album Titles

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In perhaps the most audacious and downright ridiculous move the music business has witnessed in the last few years, singer Robin Thicke has announced his new album will carry the title of Paula, which by some strange coincidence just happens to be the name of his estranged wife- actress Paula Patton.

Thicke and Patton at 56th Grammy AwardsThicke and Paula in more happy circumstances.

To say such a public declaration of love is cringe-worthy would be an understatement, it is such a trite attempt at reconciling with his wife that is seems like something straight out of Spinal Tap. You can imagine the album title sitting quite comfortably alongside the likes of Smell The Glove and Shark Sandwich. As if that wasn’t irksome enough, Thicke’s debut single from the album is entitled "Get Her Back” and it sees the ageing crooner positively straining to exude as much heartfelt sincerity as he can before he gives himself a heart attack.

Does the man know nothing of the art of subtlety? Let’s hope Paula is partial to extravagant and hugely public gestures of love or else poor Robin will be left looking a bit silly, leaving the album’s concept and ensuing campaign as a rather pointless exercise. However, I’m sure the vast quantities of money thrown in his direction will buoy his spirits enough that Thicke won’t revert to severe depression should Paula reject his grandiose advances. In light of Thicke’s album, we have compiled a list of ten equally ill-conceived album titles that make even Thicke’s idea to name it after his estranged wife look like a rational decision. 

More: Robin Thicke Appeals To Paula Patton

  Butthole Surfers – Stairway To Steven

As if possessing one of the most intentionally crude monikers in music wasn’t enough, the Butthole Surfers also bestowed their albums with a series of terrible names including such half-puns as Hairway To Steven. Other album names include the likes of Locust Abortion Technician, Psychic… Powerless… Another Man’s Sac, Rembrant Pussyhorse and Ploughd. As album titled go, they are rather in keeping with the music, which is equally weird and perverted and it made sure the band’s penchant for subversion stretched to every facet of their output. 

More: Butthole Surfer's Gibby Hynes Offers Condolences Over Death Of GWAR Vocalist

Limp Bizkit – Chocolate Starfish And The Hot Dog Flavoured Water

Fred Durst At 2014 Billboard Awards
Fred Durst's lyrical inginuity stretched into their album titles.

A double whammy here for the boys in Limp Bizkit, as they possess not only one of the worst album names of all time but a cover equally horrific in its vulgarity. It’s unclear quite what drug the band were on when they came up with this terrible concept but considering the band’s music is equally childish and obnoxious as both the album’s cover and namesake it’s fair to say they were probably stone cold sober when they dreamed it up. It is a fact that anyone who even smirks at the name of this album, especially the “chocolate starfish” part, is a bona fide moron.

More: Fred Durst In Talks To Create Semi-Autobiographical TV Show

Kid Rock – Rock n’ Roll Jesus

Kid Rock at Tiger Woods Foundation
If Kid Rock is the rock n' roll Jesus, does that make Insane Clown Posse his disciples?

I suppose if anyone was going to title their album Rock n’ Roll Jesus it was going to be Kid Rock, that hillbilly rap/rock fellow who isn’t afraid to jump on whatever musical bandwagon is rolling through town. A master of douchebaggery, Kid Rock’s declaration that he was the Messiah of rock n’ roll wasn’t met with such eager response by critics but somehow shifted 3.5 million copies in the US alone thanks in part to the success of single “All Summer Long”.

More: Kid Rock Hated Having Lance Armstrong As A Roommate

Crispin Glover – Big Problem Does Not Equal The Solution. The Solution = Let It Be

Crispin Glover Attends National Movie Awards
A post-meltdown Glover.

During his post Back To The Future meltdown phase, Crispin Glover busied himself making albums that mixed terrible music and awful spoken word poems in new and increasingly horrific way. The liner notes also carried the phone number of Glover, so that any fans who could be bothered to try and interpret what the ‘Big Problem’ was could call Glover’s personal line and see if they were correct. As of 2007, the phone number has been disconnected, and it seems the ‘Big Problem’ is condemned to being a mystery for the rest of eternity.

Mariah Carey – Me. I Am Mariah … The Elusive Chanteuse

Mariah Carey Attends The Fresh Air Fund
Me. I Am Mariah .... Struggling To Find An Identity.

Far from a transcription of the opening exchanges of the average Mariah Carey conversation, Me. I Am Mariah … The Elusive Chanteuse is the genuine title of the R&B singer’s new record. It rather succinctly contains all of the tropes Carey is most well-known for: narcissism, self-absorption and absolutely no concept of reality. What’s more, Carey is far from elusive. Rather, she has been a ubiquitous presence in popular culture for the past twenty years or so and it comes across as a desperate attempt to carve out a semblance of identity. Nice try Mariah.

More: Mariah Carey Held Off Billboard Top Spot By Coldplay

Will Smith – Big Willie Style

Will Smith Attends New York Premiere Of After Earth
Will Smith - Scientology Style.

What exactly is Will Smith trying to imply here? In this recurring album title pun, used at least five times per season on The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air, Will Smith is either incredibly forthcoming about the state of his manhood or very proud of his self-styled attitude. Either way, Big Willie Style is a pretty woeful name for an album of rap-lite, high-charting hip-hop that spawned singles ‘Miami’ and ‘Getting Jiggy Wit It’, all without dropping a single expletive.

More: Will Smith Drops Out Of Movie Adaptation Of Novel Brilliance

Westlife – Allow Us To Be Frank

Westlife Performs At Their Final Ever Show
Reports suggest Frank Sinatra cringed from his grave at the title Allow Us To Be Frank.

The boys in Westlife probably thought it was a work of literary genius when someone suggested that an album of Frank Sinatra covers should be entitled Allow Us To Be Frank. “Wordplay!” shouted Brian McFadden, as the rest of the group postponed their weekly chest waxing to congratulate each other on such a momentous occasion. “Ah that’s great guys”, chimed Louis Walsh, “but can we get back to the waxing? I’ve got a chest like a Galway meadow at the height of summer here.”

Next page: Charlotte Church, Cher, Fall Out Boy

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Tags: Robin Thicke - Paula Patton - Limp Bizkit - Kid Rock - Crispin Glover - Mariah Carey - Will Smith - Westlife - Charlotte Church - Cher - Fall Out Boy


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