Guest and Frankie Avalon - Celebrities attend 22nd annual Race To Erase MS at Hyatt Regency Century Plaza. at Hyatt Regency Century Plaza - Los Angeles, California, United States - Friday 24th April 2015
Director/star John Wayne spends more time at the Alamo than I did as a junior high kid in Houston. This three-plus-hour epic feels longer than the battle itself, the most infamous part of the Texas Revolution, in which Texan troops were massacred by a much larger Mexican force. Wayne (here playing a roadkill-hatted Davy Crockett) is wildly overwrought (Jim Bowie: "My wife. She's... dead!" / Crocket: "I lived through it Jim. It's hard."), clumsy, and embarassingly directed -- and it doesn't get to the actual battle until the last 45 minutes of the film. Still, it's intriguing to see him on the losing side of a gunfight for once.
No joke: He really does have a bikini machine. It doesn't just make bikinis, it makes robot girls to fill them, too. And Vincent Price's Dr. Goldfoot is programming them to woo the world's millionaires and rob them blind. This spoof of James Bond, Corman horror, and Frankie Avalon beach movies is laughably bad yet curiously easy on the eyes, aided in no small part by Susan Hart as the head of the fembot army and a cornball script that makes you long for the days before the fart joke.