White Chicks

"Unbearable"

White Chicks Review


Marlon and Shawn Wayans of "Scary Movie" fame underwent hours of makeup each day to play the title characters in the gimmick comedy "White Chicks," but little good it did them. Their layers-of-latex Caucasian drag isn't any more realistic than the rubber mask worn by Michael Myers in the "Halloween" movies -- only tighter, as if their faces had been shrink-wrapped.

The two star as idiot FBI-agent brothers who keep trying to make busts without backup and botching the cases badly. Assigned to babysit two dingbat blonde heiresses -- half-hearted "Omigod!" spoofs of Paris and Nicky Hilton -- because of a kidnapping threat, Marlon and Shawn manage to screw that up too, by going undercover as the girls instead.

Giggling in Valley-gal falsettos and wobbling around the Hamptons in high heels and tight, tacky pink outfits (where, of course, everyone inexplicably mistakes them for the real heiresses), they furiously mug through every off-the-shelf cross-dressing gag known to Hollywood and supposedly "really learning something" about women in the process.

What they don't do is provide any laughs. I'm sure this kind of clowning seemed hilarious when all the Wayans were sitting around the living room of their older brother Keenan (who co-wrote and directed), drinking beers, acting mock-girly and spitballing nutty ideas. But that hardly justifies spending millions of dollars to drag out their fleeting, lowbrow mirth into an unoriginal, near-plotless movie and charge people $8 to $10 to see it.

Given the core concept, two hours and a pencil, any person off the street would come up with all the same jokes used in "White Chicks" -- G-string malfunctions, barking in surprise baritones at men who whistle, fighting off insistent paramours -- and then some.

But worse than its obvious, meager humor is the fact that the Wayans clearly couldn't care less about performances (even out of the facially restrictive makeup, Shawn can't manage more than blinking, blank expressions) or about their story making a scrap of sense -- and I'm not even talking about the inept, completely nonsensical kidnapping plot.

The guys originally go undercover when the heiresses (Anne Dudek and Maitland Ward) hole up in a hotel room because each sustained minor scratches in an accident and they refuse to be seen in public. So a crew of seven makeup people takes four hours to turn Shawn and Marlon into imitation bimbos -- instead of using all that technology to touch up the real girls in five minutes. (And if this makeover takes four hours and seven people, how do they do it themselves each morning once they're undercover?)

Those are minor, and admittedly unimportant, squabbles in a movie designed to be dumb. But when Marlon's wife (Faune A. Chambers) becomes convinced he's cheating because she catches him with a tall blonde -- and no attempt is made whatsoever to (very easily) demonstrate the truth -- even in a check-your-brain movie like this one, that's a beyond-moronic insult to the audience's intelligence and a clear case of "who cares?" script writing.

Amid the inevitable body-function jokes and subplot romances with misogynistic apology "happy endings" (Shawn falls for a gorgeous tabloid reporter who claims, in all sincerity, that "investigative journalism is my passion"), "White Chicks" does have a single fearlessly hilarious performance by rip-bodied, shaved-head brute Terry Crews (who played the prison escapee everyone is afraid of in "Friday After Next").

Essentially a macho version of the Joe E. Brown character in "Some Like It Hot," he plays a swaggering, narcissistic football star who won't take "no" for an answer from blonde Marlon. The lengths to which this actor goes for a laugh -- the complete abandonment of ego to act sickeningly love struck and, say, sing along to Vanessa Carlton's flitty chick-pop anthem "1000 Miles" -- are all that saves "White Chicks" from being completely beyond redemption.



White Chicks

Facts and Figures

Run time: 109 mins

In Theaters: Wednesday 23rd June 2004

Box Office USA: $69.1M

Distributed by: Columbia Pictures

Production compaines: Revolution Studios

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 0.5 / 5

Rotten Tomatoes: 15%
Fresh: 18 Rotten: 105

IMDB: 5.3 / 10

Cast & Crew

Starring: as Kevin Copeland, as Marcus Copeland, as Heather Vandergeld, as Elliott Gordon, as Brittany Wilson, as Tiffany Wilson, as Agent Jake Harper, as Warren Vandergeld, as Karen, as Latrell Spencer, as Megan Vandergeld, Eddie Velez as Agent Vincent Gomez, as Tori, as Denise Porter, as Lisa

Also starring:

Contactmusic


Links



Advertisement

New Movies

Colossal Movie Review

Colossal Movie Review

It's rare to find a movie that so defiantly refuses to be put into a...

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword Movie Review

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword Movie Review

It's unlikely that Guy Ritchie could make a boring movie if he wanted to. This...

Snatched Movie Review

Snatched Movie Review

It doesn't really matter that the script for this lively action-comedy is paper thin: teaming...

Jawbone Movie Review

Jawbone Movie Review

Boxing movies aren't usually this thoughtful. Sure, there are plenty of punchy moments in the...

Whisky Galore! Movie Review

Whisky Galore! Movie Review

Scottish filmmaker Gillies MacKinnon (Hideous Kinky) remakes the 1949 Ealing comedy classic, although it's difficult...

Alien: Covenant Movie Review

Alien: Covenant Movie Review

Master filmmaker Ridley Scott is back to continue the story 10 years after the events...

The Journey (2017) Movie Review

The Journey (2017) Movie Review

A fictionalised account of real events, this drama is reminiscent of Peter Morgan's work in...

Advertisement
Sleepless Movie Review

Sleepless Movie Review

In remaking the 2011 French thriller Sleepless Night, the filmmakers have dumbed down both the...

Unlocked Movie Review

Unlocked Movie Review

By injecting a steady sense of fun, this slick but mindless action thriller both holds...

Lady Macbeth Movie Review

Lady Macbeth Movie Review

A seriously impressive feature directing debut with a star-making central performance, this period British drama...

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 Movie Review

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 Movie Review

It was never going to be easy to match the impact of 2014's Guardians of...

The Promise Movie Review

The Promise Movie Review

The director of Hotel Rwanda, Terry George, turns to another humanitarian horror: the systematic murder...

Their Finest Movie Review

Their Finest Movie Review

Skilfully written, directed and acted, this offbeat British period film tells a story that catches...

Unforgettable Movie Review

Unforgettable Movie Review

With heavy echoes of trashy thrillers like Fatal Attraction, this movie overcomes its painfully simplistic...

Advertisement
Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews
                musicians & bands in the news
                  actors & filmmakers in the news
                    celebrities in the news

                      Go Back in Time using our News archive to see what happened on a particular day in the past.