Fortunately, The Next Best Thing covers very different ground than Affection. Unfortunately, that ground turns out to be providing a platform for Madonna to sing, to show off her yoga skills, and To Show You How Much She Can E-Mote During Her Di-A-Logue, all while affecting a slight (yet very pretentious) British accent. Get outta the way, people, Madonna's gonna act!!! And it isn't going to be pretty. (See also: Evita.)
Rupert Everett tries to be a good sport, but he mainly serves as a punching bag for Ms. Ciccone and ends up being the butt of his own gay jokes. The movie insults his prodigious acting skills and makes a mockery of his ability.
What's worst is that viewers probably expect a romantic comedy out of this, judging from the subject matter and the trailer. Not so. While a few early scenes throw you a few bones of decent comedy, The Next Best Thing rapidly turns into the least funny of scenarios: The child custody battle. Believe me, this is not Kramer Vs. Kramer.
What is it, then? It's a sloppy mess of a star vehicle that will leave only Madonna's awful remake of "American Pie" as its legacy. And as Don McLean said in his song, boy is this levy dry.
Everett and Madonna prepare for their roles by drinking heavily.
Run time: 108 mins
In Theaters: Friday 3rd March 2000
Box Office Worldwide: $24.4M
Distributed by: Paramount Home Video
Production compaines: Paramount Pictures, Lakeshore Entertainment
Contactmusic.com: 2 / 5
Rotten Tomatoes: 19%
Fresh: 17 Rotten: 74
IMDB: 4.6 / 10
Director: John Schlesinger
Screenwriter: Tom Ropelewski
Starring: Madonna as Abbie Reynolds, Rupert Everett as Robert Whittaker, Benjamin Bratt as Ben Cooper, Malcolm Stumpf as Sam, Josef Sommer as Richard Whittaker, Suzanne Krull as Annabel, Linda Larkin as Kelly
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