SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2

"Unbearable"

SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 Review


There's already talk about SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 being one of the worst movies of all time. I can't make that claim, but it is one of the saddest movies I've ever seen. The concept of dressing up toddlers and tykes in super hero costumes, dubbing their voices, moving their lips to talk, and having them beating up bad guys... well, the whole affair made me feel like I was privy to some fetishist's fantasy sprung to life. The movie is creepy, unoriginal (remember Look Who's Talking?), and bare of any real human emotion, so the prior thought seems even more valid.

I felt sorry for the kids onscreen, who one day will be hiding this film among those dark secrets of the soul that we read about in great novels. And I felt really sorry for Jon Voight. He was one of the 1960s and 1970s signature actors, and in 2004 he's getting repeatedly kicked in the face by a seven-year-old. Does he need money? If you or I wrote a movie, could we get Voight to participate for $100 and unlimited runs to the craft services table? Someone should write him a letter or send him flowers. He's a good actor and he's starring in the sequel to Baby Geniuses with Chachi? Something is very, very wrong here.

Voight and the film's other two notable stars, Scott Baio and Vanessa Angel (Kingpin), are the only adult leads in this movie. The majority of the cast features four babies, pals at a day care center run by Baio and Angel, who can actually communicate with each other and perform adult tasks better than most filmcritic.com staff members. Voight, fashioning a ridiculous German accent, plays a TV mogul who wants to control children's thoughts through his new television station. The babies meet up with a legendary super kid (named, for no real reason, Kahuna) to stop Voight, who is Kahuna's longtime enemy.

Just so you know, the proceeding paragraph is the actual plot.

SuperBabies has no redeeming qualities. Adults are portrayed as mean, ignorant, or unloving. The babies are all cute, but they're shuffled about in a constant attempt to get the audience to ooh and aah. Half-baked lessons about confidence and believing in yourself are thrown around to give the impression that the movie has substance. You get subplots that are either lame or unresolved.

And when the babies open their mouths, the movie reaches another level of horror and becomes the absolute antithesis of everything good about childhood. The voices sound either robotic or overly rehearsed, and whatever comes out of the babies' mouths sounds clich├ęd and overwritten (the babies talk about abandonment issues). The one era of childhood that's pure and full of discovery is depicted as time of kicking ass, taking names, and dressing like a beauty pageant freak.

The most troubling thing about SuperBabies is that it shouldn't have happened. The movie's director, Bob Clark, brought us A Christmas Story, that rare classic that kids and adults both love. I'd love to know what happened, and how he could oversee such a joyless movie (as well as the original and equally reviled Baby Geniuses) 21 years later. Maybe Jon Voight isn't the only person we need to write a letter to.

Aka Super Babies.

Watch out, Batman.



SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2

Facts and Figures

Run time: 88 mins

In Theaters: Friday 27th August 2004

Box Office USA: $9.0M

Box Office Worldwide: $9.1M

Distributed by: Sony Pictures Entertainment

Production compaines: Triumph Films, Crystal Sky Worldwide

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 1 / 5

IMDB: 1.9 / 10

Cast & Crew

Director:

Producer:

Starring: as Bill Biscane / Kane, as Stan Bobbins, as Jean Bobbins, as Kylie, as Zack, as Crowe

Also starring: ,


Contactmusic


Links



Advertisement

New Movies

45 Years Movie Review

45 Years Movie Review

Like an antidote to vacuous blockbusters, this intelligent, thoughtful drama packs more intensity into a...

Straight Outta Compton Movie Review

Straight Outta Compton Movie Review

This biopic gallops through the career of groundbreaking gangsta rappers N.W.A, working its way through...

We Are Your Friends Movie Review

We Are Your Friends Movie Review

Basically the perfect summer movie, this lightweight drama has a great-looking cast and plenty of...

Sinister 2 Movie Review

Sinister 2 Movie Review

As the ghoul from the 2012 horror hit stalks a new family, this sequel's sharply...

Advertisement
Paper Towns Movie Review

Paper Towns Movie Review

After setting the scene with vivid characters and some insightful interaction, the plot of this...

Vacation Movie Review

Vacation Movie Review

Both the characters and the tone have been updated as a new generation of Grizwolds...

Trainwreck Movie Review

Trainwreck Movie Review

Amy Schumer makes her big screen debut with a script that feels like a much-extended...

The Man From U.N.C.L.E. Movie Review

The Man From U.N.C.L.E. Movie Review

Adopting a deliciously groovy vibe, Guy Ritchie turns the iconic 1960s TV spy series into...

Advertisement