SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2

"Terrible"

SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 Review


There's already talk about SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 being one of the worst movies of all time. I can't make that claim, but it is one of the saddest movies I've ever seen. The concept of dressing up toddlers and tykes in super hero costumes, dubbing their voices, moving their lips to talk, and having them beating up bad guys... well, the whole affair made me feel like I was privy to some fetishist's fantasy sprung to life. The movie is creepy, unoriginal (remember Look Who's Talking?), and bare of any real human emotion, so the prior thought seems even more valid.

I felt sorry for the kids onscreen, who one day will be hiding this film among those dark secrets of the soul that we read about in great novels. And I felt really sorry for Jon Voight. He was one of the 1960s and 1970s signature actors, and in 2004 he's getting repeatedly kicked in the face by a seven-year-old. Does he need money? If you or I wrote a movie, could we get Voight to participate for $100 and unlimited runs to the craft services table? Someone should write him a letter or send him flowers. He's a good actor and he's starring in the sequel to Baby Geniuses with Chachi? Something is very, very wrong here.

Voight and the film's other two notable stars, Scott Baio and Vanessa Angel (Kingpin), are the only adult leads in this movie. The majority of the cast features four babies, pals at a day care center run by Baio and Angel, who can actually communicate with each other and perform adult tasks better than most filmcritic.com staff members. Voight, fashioning a ridiculous German accent, plays a TV mogul who wants to control children's thoughts through his new television station. The babies meet up with a legendary super kid (named, for no real reason, Kahuna) to stop Voight, who is Kahuna's longtime enemy.

Just so you know, the proceeding paragraph is the actual plot.

SuperBabies has no redeeming qualities. Adults are portrayed as mean, ignorant, or unloving. The babies are all cute, but they're shuffled about in a constant attempt to get the audience to ooh and aah. Half-baked lessons about confidence and believing in yourself are thrown around to give the impression that the movie has substance. You get subplots that are either lame or unresolved.

And when the babies open their mouths, the movie reaches another level of horror and becomes the absolute antithesis of everything good about childhood. The voices sound either robotic or overly rehearsed, and whatever comes out of the babies' mouths sounds clichéd and overwritten (the babies talk about abandonment issues). The one era of childhood that's pure and full of discovery is depicted as time of kicking ass, taking names, and dressing like a beauty pageant freak.

The most troubling thing about SuperBabies is that it shouldn't have happened. The movie's director, Bob Clark, brought us A Christmas Story, that rare classic that kids and adults both love. I'd love to know what happened, and how he could oversee such a joyless movie (as well as the original and equally reviled Baby Geniuses) 21 years later. Maybe Jon Voight isn't the only person we need to write a letter to.

Aka Super Babies.

Watch out, Batman.



SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2

Facts and Figures

Run time: 88 mins

In Theaters: Friday 27th August 2004

Box Office USA: $9.0M

Box Office Worldwide: $9.1M

Distributed by: Sony Pictures Entertainment

Production compaines: Triumph Films, Crystal Sky Worldwide

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 1 / 5

IMDB: 1.9 / 10

Cast & Crew

Director:

Producer:

Starring: as Bill Biscane / Kane, as Stan Bobbins, as Jean Bobbins, as Kylie, as Zack, as Crowe

Also starring: ,

Contactmusic


Links



Advertisement

Contactmusic 2017 Exclusive

New Movies

Life Movie Review

Life Movie Review

Like a mash-up of Alien and Gravity, this ripping sci-fi horror movie is very effective...

The Lost City of Z Movie Review

The Lost City of Z Movie Review

Based on a true story, it's the historical aspect of these events that holds the...

Chips Movie Review

Chips Movie Review

It's clear from the very start that this movie has little to do with the...

Beauty And The Beast Movie Review

Beauty And The Beast Movie Review

This remake of Disney's 1991 classic is remarkably faithful, using present-day digital animation effects to...

The Salesman Movie Review

The Salesman Movie Review

Iranian filmmaker Asghar Farhadi won his second Oscar with this astute drama which, like 2011's...

Get Out Movie Review

Get Out Movie Review

Leave it to a comedian to make one of the scariest movies in recent memory....

Personal Shopper Movie Review

Personal Shopper Movie Review

After winning a series of major awards for her role in Olivier Assayas' Clouds of...

Advertisement
Certain Women Movie Review

Certain Women Movie Review

In films like Wendy and Lucy and Meek's Cutoff, writer-director Kelly Reichardt has told sharply...

Kong: Skull Island Movie Review

Kong: Skull Island Movie Review

After the success of 2014's Godzilla reboot, the Warner Bros monsters get their own franchise,...

Viceroy's House Movie Review

Viceroy's House Movie Review

Filmmaker Gurinder Chada (Bend It Like Beckham) draws on her own family history to explore...

Trespass Against Us Movie Review

Trespass Against Us Movie Review

With an extra dose of attitude and energy, this Irish comedy-drama hits us like a...

Logan Movie Review

Logan Movie Review

Hugh Jackman returns to his signature role one last time (so he says), reuniting with...

Patriots Day Movie Review

Patriots Day Movie Review

The third time's a charm for Mark Wahlberg and director Peter Berg, who previously teamed...

A Cure for Wellness Movie Review

A Cure for Wellness Movie Review

It's no surprise that this creep-out horror thriller is packed with whizzy visual invention, since...

Advertisement
Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews
                musicians & bands in the news
                  actors & filmmakers in the news
                    celebrities in the news

                      Go Back in Time using our News archive to see what happened on a particular day in the past.