Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

"Terrible"

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li Review


Sorry, folks -- the star of Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li is not the mouth-drippingly voluptuous lead actress Kristin Kreuk. It's actually supporting actor Chris Klein, who may very well be our next Keanu Reeves. Klein must have flash-kicked himself in the brain, because his acting is so outrageously horrid and emotionally vapid he inspires unsolicited laughter. In fact, if Klein had more airtime in the movie, I might have sat through the whole thing.

That's right: I walked out (after an hour). And this is the only movie I've walked out of my entire life.

That's because Chun-Li is not an action movie. It's a God forsaken tragedy. It's a movie that reels in some of the most pathetic, failed actors in the industry just aching for people to acknowledge their existence, regardless of the highly poisonous, vastly stupid script they're regurgitating. I equate these actors to the fat, adult cats you see when visiting the pound -- the ones that eventually get adopted by a guy pretending to be an animal lover. Then, one day you see these scrappy felines at your local hole-in-the-wall pizzeria, where they've been hired to solve the rat problem.

The sheer depression I experienced when thinking about these actors -- along with my buddy Debra's pounding headache -- were enough to drive us out of the theater at the 60-minute mark. No, we couldn't stay for the remaining 36 minutes. We're morbidly curious theatergoers, but we're not martyrs.

Who knows why this movie even exists? The Street Fighter video game series peaked in the 1990s -- which is why Jean Claude Van Damme's attempt at an adaptation made sense 15 years ago (though that was also horrible). But the latest rendition is unjustifiable and wouldn't have even deserved to go straight to DVD. The reel should have been banished to an uncharted island, set ablaze by a Hadoken, and then peed on just to be safe.

The video game's "plot" was quarter-baked and childishly simple to begin with, and incredibly Chun-Li just reuses it like stale Play-Doh. When our heroine (Kreuk) is just a toddler, a tyrant named Bison (Neal McDonough) pays a visit with his posse, makes a mess of her house and presumably murders her father. Growing up, Chun-Li becomes a concert pianist (just as the Chinese stereotype says we're supposed to do at some point) but learns Bison actually kidnapped her father. So she travels to Bangkok to kick some ass.

Sounds like it could be good fun -- one of those movies so bad it comes full circle -- but it fails to follow through. Kreuk looks like a gawky, stiff ostrich when she attempts to bust out kung-fu moves. She's narrating the majority of the time, and her intellectually bankrupt sentences accompanied by her soulless dictation should spur the legalization of guns in movie theaters so you can shoot yourself with them.

Again, Klein could have been "The One" to save this movie because he was the only actor so horrible that it occasionally passed as hysterical. But alas, there was too much of the other junk piled on top of his valuable garbage. The Oracle inside me was wrong, but perhaps he'll be reborn soon.

Try tapping the B button.



Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

Facts and Figures

Run time: 96 mins

In Theaters: Friday 27th February 2009

Box Office USA: $8.6M

Box Office Worldwide: $12.8M

Budget: $50M

Distributed by: 20th Century Fox

Production compaines: Hyde Park Films, Twentieth Century-Fox Film Corporation

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 1 / 5

Rotten Tomatoes: 18%
Fresh: 12 Rotten: 54

IMDB: 3.7 / 10

Cast & Crew

Producer: Patrick Aiello,

Starring: as Chun-Li, as Charlie Nash, as Bison, as Balrog, as Det. Maya Sunee, as Gen, as Cantana

Also starring: ,

Contactmusic


Links



Advertisement

New Movies

Julieta Movie Review

Julieta Movie Review

Iconic Spanish filmmaker Pedro Almodovar is back with another powerfully complex female-centred drama, along the...

Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping Movie Review

Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping Movie Review

An astute satire of the pop music business, this raucous mock-documentary is consistently hilarious from...

War Dogs Movie Review

War Dogs Movie Review

Based on a rather astounding true story, this comedy-drama centres on two stoners who landed...

Swallows and Amazons Movie Review

Swallows and Amazons Movie Review

After a number of films, TV series and stage adaptations, Arthur Ransome's beloved 1930 novel...

David Brent: Life on the Road Movie Review

David Brent: Life on the Road Movie Review

The original BBC sitcom The Office ran for 14 episodes from 2001 to 2003, and...

The Childhood of a Leader Movie Review

The Childhood of a Leader Movie Review

Bold and intelligent, this dark drama is a challenging portrait of the making of an...

Pete's Dragon Movie Review

Pete's Dragon Movie Review

This hugely enjoyable adventure is a loose remake of the 1977 Disney hit that blended...

Advertisement
The Shallows Movie Review

The Shallows Movie Review

With a simple premise and plenty of visual style, Spanish filmmaker Jaume Collet-Serra (Unknown) takes...

Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates Movie Review

Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates Movie Review

Watching this gross-out comedy, it's clear that the gifted cast and crew had a great...

Nerve Movie Review

Nerve Movie Review

With a premise that feels almost eerily current, this stylish thriller revolves around a phone...

The Carer Movie Review

The Carer Movie Review

Brian Cox gets the role of a lifetime in this warm comedy about living life...

Born to Be Blue Movie Review

Born to Be Blue Movie Review

Writer-director Robert Budreau takes a stylised approach to this biopic of the legendary jazz artist...

Jason Bourne Movie Review

Jason Bourne Movie Review

It's been nine years since Matt Damon and Paul Greengrass collaborated on The Bourne Ultimatum,...

The Commune [Kollektivet] Movie Review

The Commune [Kollektivet] Movie Review

Veteran Danish filmmaker Thomas Vinterberg (Festen, The Hunt) returns to a smaller homegrown story after...

Advertisement
Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews
                musicians & bands in the news
                  actors & filmmakers in the news
                    celebrities in the news

                      Go Back in Time using our News archive to see what happened on a particular day in the past.