Starfire Mutiny Review
By Christopher Null
Per the Starfire Mutiny - Advertising Materials for Newspaper Reproduction flyer I was sent, this is the story of the film:
Deep space.An escaped convict, General Swann, and his band of mercenaries have seized control of a giant "Colony" ship orbiting a dead planet. The ship's cargo: tens of thousands of men, women, and children, frozen in suspended animation.Soon, a once-in-a-century solar flare will power a ring of satellites which will render the hostile planet habitable.The children of the dying earth will awaken, and the endangered human race will thrive again.Unless... Swann destroys them first.Now only the ship's few remaining crew members stand between humankind's salvation -- and its destruction.
If this makes any sense to you, by all means, run -- don't walk -- and buy as many copies of Starfire Mutiny as you can carry. Put aside the puzzling wrongness of the description (the "dead planet" is the earth, an earth orbit is not classified as "deep space," and how on earth a solar flare will power a "ring of satellites" -- led by the Hubble telescope(!) -- to "re-ionize the atmosphere" is totally beyond me).
Yes, put all that aside. Also try to ignore the atrocious acting, the nonsensical plot, and the plastic sets. Forget the firepower which never seems to hit anything. Get past the fact that these super-futuristic spaceships use present-day CD-ROM drives, which whine as if they're dying while they spit out their cargo. Put it all aside.
With what's left, you're going to have one hell of a good time. Promise.
Facts and Figures
In Theaters: Tuesday 24th September 2002
Distributed by: Monarch Home Video
Cast & Crew
Director: Lloyd A. Simandl
Producer: Lloyd A. Simandl