And an un-American loser.
And an idiot.
But knowing how many un-American idiot loser heathens there are out there, I feel compelled to defend the majesty of Raiders anyway.
The story is now an archetype of cinema, aped -- and invariably aped badly -- in countless pop culture projects from The Mummy to Tomb Raider. The elements? A flawed hero, in this case Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford), a rough-and-tumble archeologist/professor who's impossible not to like. A gaggle of co-conspirators, including two of cinema's most memorable henchmen: Denholm Elliott as a clueless professor friend of Jones and John Rhys-Davies as his only slightly less clueless man in Araby; Karen Allen's punch-drunk Marion is one of the film's least compelling components, though she's still unforgettable as Indy's foil. And don't forget a nemesis that represents evil that's as evil as evil gets, in this case the Nazis (and could Ronald Lacey's bespectacled Toht be any more creepy? Fun fact: Lacey would return, uncredited, as Himmler in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade).
Continuing: There's action, action, action, taking place in just about every continent across the globe, with the perfect amount of resting time between adventures and a script that gives Jones some of cinema's most quotable lines ("Why'd it have to be snakes?") and most memorable scenes (the shooting of the heavy in the bazaar). There's also the score that punctuates the action with a half-dozen memorable themes, possibly John Williams' best work ever. And lest we forget Steven Spielberg, who proved he was the movies' best working director way back in 1981... and remains so today.
Raiders -- renamed to the stultifying Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark for the DVD release -- isn't without its pedanticly troubling bits. Paul Freeman's Belloq is hammy and a bit too effeminate to be effective as the bad guy. Why he's so obsessed with Karen Allen's butch Marion is a mystery the film never properly answers. (In keeping with the grand tradition of Indy movies that feature supporting actors whose careers go nowhere, Freeman's biggest role in the next 20 years would be in a Power Rangers movie.) Also, that face-melting bit rocked in 1981, but today it looks too much like the claymation that it is.
If you've been watching Raiders on the Superstation for the last 20 years, you owe it to yourself to check out the new DVD box set, which packs all three films and a bonus materials disc into one unforgettable collection. The picture -- gotta see it in widescreen -- is crystal clear, but it's the surround sound that really reminds you how thrilling a home theater experience can be. If nothing else, you gotta check out the screen test with Tom Selleck and Sean Young. Alas, though Spielberg wanted Danny DeVito for Sallah, he never auditioned... oh, the humanity. And did you know the sub Indy hangs on to is the same one in Das Boot? I could go on and on...
If you buy one box set this year, this is the one to get.
Prepare for the ride of your life, Dr. Jones.
Run time: 115 mins
In Theaters: Friday 12th June 1981
Box Office USA: $3.1M
Box Office Worldwide: $383M
Distributed by: Paramount Pictures
Production compaines: Paramount Pictures, Lucasfilm
Contactmusic.com: 5 / 5
Rotten Tomatoes: 95%
Fresh: 62 Rotten: 3
IMDB: 8.6 / 10
Director: Steven Spielberg
Producer: Frank Marshall
Screenwriter: Lawrence Kasdan
Starring: Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones, Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood, Paul Freeman as Dr. Rene Belloq, Ronald Lacey as Major Toht, John Rhys-Davies as Sallah, Denholm Elliott as Dr. Marcus Brody, Wolf Kahler as Colonel Dietrich, Anthony Higgins as Gobler, Vic Tablian as Barranca / Monkey Man, Don Fellows as Col. Musgrove, William Hootkins as Major Eaton, Alfred Molina as Satipo, Eddie Tagoe as Messenger Pirate, George Harris as Katanga