Piranha 3DD

"Terrible"

Piranha 3DD Review


After the guilty-pleasure success of 2010's Piranha 3D, the quickly slapped-together trailer for this sequel looked like just as much fun. Sadly, more time and creativity was put into that teaser than the finished movie, which is a choppy, unfunny mess.

Maddy (Panabaker) is back home in Arizona from grad school, working in the water park she owns with her breast-obsessed stepdad Chet (Koechner). But after the Lake Victoria disaster, prehistoric piranhas have migrated here, drawn to the park's chlorine. After consulting with wild-haired expert Goodman (Lloyd), Maddy tries to avert disaster with the help of deputy Kyle (Zylka) and nice-guy Barry (Bush), who are rivals for her affections. But as the summer launch party nears, Chet refuses to close the park.

The screenwriters use trite plotting to distract from the fact that the characters aren't even weak stereotypes. They have no personalities at all, aside from what the cast members try to inject into the bland dialog. Maddy has a few friends whose romantic liaisons are interrupted by grisly piranha incidents, but these side-stories are so belaboured that they feel like jokes without punchlines. Even Hasselhoff looks exhausted as he lampoons his Baywatch persona as a celebrity lifeguard.

We might have gone along with this if there was a sense of structure, or if the jokes were actually funny. But the lazy writers and director never bother to hold anything together. Set pieces fall apart before they build up momentum, cameos flop because adept performers are given nothing to do or say, and the big action scenes have no logic to them at all. In fact, the film feels like it was edited together from footage shot for another movie altogether.

Nothing that happens on screen seems to have any reasoning behind it, and the piranhas themselves make no sense. They jump, but one stays in an aquarium without a lid? They swim lightning fast, but the stars easily get away? Even the cheap 3D gags are badly set up. In desperation, the filmmakers continuously cut to either something disgusting or more bouncing boobs. So besides being rampantly misogynistic, the film is no fun to watch. Even the closing-title outtakes are lame.



Piranha 3DD

Facts and Figures

Run time: 83 mins

In Theaters: Friday 11th May 2012

Box Office USA: $0.4M

Budget: $20M

Distributed by: The Weinstein Co.

Production compaines: Dimension Films, Mark Canton Productions, Intellectual Properties Worldwide

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 1 / 5

Rotten Tomatoes: 13%
Fresh: 6 Rotten: 42

IMDB: 3.8 / 10

Cast & Crew

Director: John Gulager

Starring: as Shelby, as Maddy, as Mr. Goodman, as Deputy Fallon, as Barry, as Chet, as Clayton, as Himself, as Josh, as Young Mother, as Andrew

Contactmusic


Links



Advertisement

New Movies

Manchester by the Sea Movie Review

Manchester by the Sea Movie Review

This may not be the cheeriest movie of the season, but it's so skilfully written,...

Live By Night Movie Review

Live By Night Movie Review

Ben Affleck launched his directing career 10 years ago with his film of Dennis Lehane's...

La La Land Movie Review

La La Land Movie Review

After storming awards season with Whiplash two years ago, writer-director Damien Chazelle returns with something...

Assassin's Creed Movie Review

Assassin's Creed Movie Review

Hopes were high that this film might finally crack the curse of movies based on...

Silence Movie Review

Silence Movie Review

Faith is a topic Martin Scorsese can't quite shake, courting controversy with complex films like...

A Monster Calls Movie Review

A Monster Calls Movie Review

A difficult movie to market, this isn't actually the BFG-style fantasy adventure it looks like....

Monster Trucks Movie Review

Monster Trucks Movie Review

Word has it that a 4-year-old came up with the idea for this unapologetically silly...

Advertisement
Collateral Beauty Movie Review

Collateral Beauty Movie Review

Dramas exploring the nature of death and the true meaning of life are always in...

Paterson Movie Review

Paterson Movie Review

Unpredictable filmmaker Jim Jarmusch ricochets from his artful vampire movie Only Lovers Left Alive into...

I, Daniel Blake Movie Review

I, Daniel Blake Movie Review

At 80 years old, British filmmaker Ken Loach won his second Cannes Film Festival with...

Why Him? Movie Review

Why Him? Movie Review

Writer-director John Hamburg continues to recycle the formula that made his first hit Meet the...

Passengers Movie Review

Passengers Movie Review

Anchored by the almost ridiculously engaging Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence, this sci-fi movie travels...

Neruda Movie Review

Neruda Movie Review

Clever Chilean director Pablo Larrain (who also directed Natalie Portman's Jackie) takes on the Nobel-winning...

The Eagle Huntress Movie Review

The Eagle Huntress Movie Review

Narrated by Daisy Ridley (The Force Awakens), this documentary is one of the most gripping...

Advertisement
Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews
                musicians & bands in the news
                  actors & filmmakers in the news
                    celebrities in the news

                      Go Back in Time using our News archive to see what happened on a particular day in the past.