Mini's First Time

"Terrible"

Mini's First Time Review


In life, there are perpetual ups and downs. Example: After playing Lex Luthor with enough menacing glee to sustain a franchise let alone one film, Kevin Spacey goes and puts his hard earned time and money into producing Mini's First Time. At its Tribeca Film Fest premiere, it was obvious this film was going to get picked up (look at that cast!), but there were few other films less worthy of distribution.

Book-ended by a infuriatingly obvious graduation speech, the film kicks off with Mini (Nikki Reed) explaining how she needs to be a hooker, because modern, rich life is too damn easy. Her trick this evening just happens to be Martin (Alec Baldwin), her stepfather, who somehow doesn't notice the voice of his stepdaughter and agrees to turn off the lights for the entirety of the night. When confronted, Martin is apprehensive, but Mini sees opportunity in this equation. She quickly makes Martin a sex slave and devises a plan to get Diane (Carrie-Anne Moss), her mom sent to the looney bin, allowing for her and Martin to not have to hide their affair. Well, things go bad: Diane dies from an overdose, their neighbor (Jeff Goldblum) gets suspicious, and Detective Garson (Luke Wilson, for some reason) starts snooping around. Soon, Martin and Mini start questioning each other's motives.

This Double Indemnity-meets-Lolita thunderstorm was the absolute low of Tribeca, along with the putrid Land of the Blind. Debuting director Nick Guthe shows such inexplicable incapability at pacing, it's a wonder anyone is even able to follow the whole mess. What's even worse is that none of the characters are much more than cardboard cutouts. We don't care about a single person in the film, nor do we really like any of them because even the good guy (the detective is really it) is written with such a flat, exhausted pen that he is nothing but police procedure and suspicion. This would even be okay, if any of the jokes worked, but they don't. You might hear a giggle in the back of the theater when Diane catches her masseuse nailing her best friend; more than likely, they are remembering a funny anecdote from last night's happy hour.

What really starts to get on one's nerves is the talent involved in this. Reed showed such promise with Thirteen and her small role in Lords of Dogtown, but she does little more than pose for the camera here. And what happened to all the smoldering heat Moss brought to Memento and the first Matrix film? Don't even get me started on how this film completely wastes the reliable Wilson and Baldwin, one of the few enjoyable parts of last year's Elizabethtown. And that's not even getting into how cinematographer Dan Stoloff''s gifts are wasted here, where they were a point of pride in 2004's Miracle and Gavin O'Connor's Tumbleweeds. Mini's First Time doesn't have any of the unbridled sexuality and grimy characters that it pretends to have, turning all this into a bloated waste of time and money. Consider this an unequivocal low.



Facts and Figures

In Theaters: Thursday 9th August 2007

Box Office USA: $21.8k

Distributed by: First Independent Pictures

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 1 / 5

Rotten Tomatoes: 54%
Fresh: 15 Rotten: 13

IMDB: 5.9 / 10

Cast & Crew

Director: Nick Guthe

Producer: , Edward Bass, Dana Brunetti,

Starring: as Martin Tennan, as Minerva 'Mini' Droggs, as Diane Droggs Tennan, as Mike Rudell, as Det. Dwight Garson, Svetlana Metkina as Jelena, as Kayla, Artie Baxter as Troy, as Fabrizio, Michael Laskin as Irv Flachsman, Joe Egender as Jimmy, Orlando Seale as Carlos, Jerry Giles as Promise Keeper, Jean St. James as Helga Hauptführer, David Shatraw as Husband #1

Contactmusic


Links



Advertisement

New Movies

Dunkirk Movie Review

Dunkirk Movie Review

Britain's epic 1940 evacuation of Dunkirk has been dramatised on film before, but no one...

Killing Ground Movie Review

Killing Ground Movie Review

From Australia, this dark and edgy thriller is skilfully made by writer-director Damien Power to...

City of Ghosts Movie Review

City of Ghosts Movie Review

This award-winning documentary plays like a thriller as it traces the work of a group...

Cars 3 Movie Review

Cars 3 Movie Review

It's been six years since the last Cars movie (there were two Planes movies in...

The Beguiled Movie Review

The Beguiled Movie Review

In her inimitable loose style, Sofia Coppola remakes the 1971 Clint Eastwood movie from a...

War for the Planet of the Apes Movie Review

War for the Planet of the Apes Movie Review

The surprisingly thoughtful prequel trilogy comes to a powerful conclusion with this robust, dramatic thriller,...

It Comes At Night Movie Review

It Comes At Night Movie Review

This sharply original horror film not only approaches its premise from an unexpected angle, but...

Advertisement
Okja Movie Review

Okja Movie Review

As Tilda Swinton reteams with her Snowpiercer director, Korea's Bong Joon Ho, it's perhaps unsurprising...

Spider-Man: Homecoming Movie Review

Spider-Man: Homecoming Movie Review

This may be the third reboot of this franchise in 15 years, risking audience exhaustion,...

Despicable Me 3 Movie Review

Despicable Me 3 Movie Review

Actually the fourth film in the series (don't forget the prequel Minions), this animated super-villain...

Baby Driver Movie Review

Baby Driver Movie Review

Wildly energetic and so cool it hurts, this action movie has been put together in...

All Eyez On Me Movie Review

All Eyez On Me Movie Review

There's a clear sense that this Tupac Shakur biopic is hoping to build on the...

Hampstead Movie Review

Hampstead Movie Review

Deliberately appealing to older audiences, this undemanding comedy-drama comes with a hint of social relevance...

The Book of Henry Movie Review

The Book of Henry Movie Review

Apparently, this offbeat script had been making the rounds in Hollywood for some 20 years...

Advertisement
Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews
                musicians & bands in the news
                  actors & filmmakers in the news
                    celebrities in the news

                      Go Back in Time using our News archive to see what happened on a particular day in the past.