Mini's First Time

"Terrible"

Mini's First Time Review


In life, there are perpetual ups and downs. Example: After playing Lex Luthor with enough menacing glee to sustain a franchise let alone one film, Kevin Spacey goes and puts his hard earned time and money into producing Mini's First Time. At its Tribeca Film Fest premiere, it was obvious this film was going to get picked up (look at that cast!), but there were few other films less worthy of distribution.

Book-ended by a infuriatingly obvious graduation speech, the film kicks off with Mini (Nikki Reed) explaining how she needs to be a hooker, because modern, rich life is too damn easy. Her trick this evening just happens to be Martin (Alec Baldwin), her stepfather, who somehow doesn't notice the voice of his stepdaughter and agrees to turn off the lights for the entirety of the night. When confronted, Martin is apprehensive, but Mini sees opportunity in this equation. She quickly makes Martin a sex slave and devises a plan to get Diane (Carrie-Anne Moss), her mom sent to the looney bin, allowing for her and Martin to not have to hide their affair. Well, things go bad: Diane dies from an overdose, their neighbor (Jeff Goldblum) gets suspicious, and Detective Garson (Luke Wilson, for some reason) starts snooping around. Soon, Martin and Mini start questioning each other's motives.

This Double Indemnity-meets-Lolita thunderstorm was the absolute low of Tribeca, along with the putrid Land of the Blind. Debuting director Nick Guthe shows such inexplicable incapability at pacing, it's a wonder anyone is even able to follow the whole mess. What's even worse is that none of the characters are much more than cardboard cutouts. We don't care about a single person in the film, nor do we really like any of them because even the good guy (the detective is really it) is written with such a flat, exhausted pen that he is nothing but police procedure and suspicion. This would even be okay, if any of the jokes worked, but they don't. You might hear a giggle in the back of the theater when Diane catches her masseuse nailing her best friend; more than likely, they are remembering a funny anecdote from last night's happy hour.

What really starts to get on one's nerves is the talent involved in this. Reed showed such promise with Thirteen and her small role in Lords of Dogtown, but she does little more than pose for the camera here. And what happened to all the smoldering heat Moss brought to Memento and the first Matrix film? Don't even get me started on how this film completely wastes the reliable Wilson and Baldwin, one of the few enjoyable parts of last year's Elizabethtown. And that's not even getting into how cinematographer Dan Stoloff''s gifts are wasted here, where they were a point of pride in 2004's Miracle and Gavin O'Connor's Tumbleweeds. Mini's First Time doesn't have any of the unbridled sexuality and grimy characters that it pretends to have, turning all this into a bloated waste of time and money. Consider this an unequivocal low.



Facts and Figures

In Theaters: Thursday 9th August 2007

Box Office USA: $21.8k

Distributed by: First Independent Pictures

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 1 / 5

Rotten Tomatoes: 54%
Fresh: 15 Rotten: 13

IMDB: 5.9 / 10

Cast & Crew

Director: Nick Guthe

Producer: , Edward Bass, Dana Brunetti,

Starring: as Martin Tennan, as Minerva 'Mini' Droggs, as Diane Droggs Tennan, as Mike Rudell, as Det. Dwight Garson, Svetlana Metkina as Jelena, as Kayla, Artie Baxter as Troy, as Fabrizio, Michael Laskin as Irv Flachsman, Joe Egender as Jimmy, Orlando Seale as Carlos, Jerry Giles as Promise Keeper, Jean St. James as Helga Hauptführer, David Shatraw as Husband #1

Contactmusic


Links


Advertisement

New Movies

Star Wars: The Last Jedi Movie Review

Star Wars: The Last Jedi Movie Review

After the thunderous reception for J.J. Abrams' Episode VII: The Force Awakens two years ago,...

Daddy's Home 2 Movie Review

Daddy's Home 2 Movie Review

Like the 2015 original, this comedy plays merrily with cliches to tell a silly story...

The Man Who Invented Christmas Movie Review

The Man Who Invented Christmas Movie Review

There's a somewhat contrived jauntiness to this blending of fact and fiction that may leave...

Ferdinand Movie Review

Ferdinand Movie Review

This animated comedy adventure is based on the beloved children's book, which was published in...

Brigsby Bear Movie Review

Brigsby Bear Movie Review

Director Dave McCary makes a superb feature debut with this offbeat black comedy, which explores...

Battle of the Sexes Movie Review

Battle of the Sexes Movie Review

A dramatisation of the real-life clash between tennis icons Billie Jean King and Bobby Riggs,...

Shot Caller Movie Review

Shot Caller Movie Review

There isn't much subtlety to this prison thriller, but it's edgy enough to hold the...

Advertisement
The Disaster Artist Movie Review

The Disaster Artist Movie Review

A hilariously outrageous story based on real events, this film recounts the making of the...

Stronger Movie Review

Stronger Movie Review

Based on a true story about the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing, this looks like one...

Only the Brave Movie Review

Only the Brave Movie Review

Based on a genuinely moving true story, this film undercuts the realism by pushing its...

Wonder Movie Review

Wonder Movie Review

This film may be based on RJ Palacio's fictional bestseller, but it approaches its story...

Happy End  Movie Review

Happy End Movie Review

Austrian auteur Michael Haneke isn't known for his light touch, but rather for hard-hitting, award-winning...

Patti Cake$ Movie Review

Patti Cake$ Movie Review

Seemingly from out of nowhere, this film generates perhaps the biggest smile of any movie...

The Limehouse Golem Movie Review

The Limehouse Golem Movie Review

A Victorian thriller with rather heavy echoes of Jack the Ripper, this film struggles to...

Advertisement
Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews
                musicians & bands in the news
                  actors & filmmakers in the news
                    celebrities in the news

                      Go Back in Time using our News archive to see what happened on a particular day in the past.