This movie is even more po-faced, with even less coherent action and more appalling effects. Is that even possible?
It turns out that scientist Sarah Monroe (Tiffany) has been experimenting with piranhas on the Orinoco River in Venezuela, and now they're growing exponentially, from the size of a cookie to the size of a Buick in just a few days. Fortunately, they're heading for the Caribbean, and they won't be able to survive in salt water. Or so the biologists think. Assigned to help her stop the potential chaos is over-muscled American action-spy Jason Fitch (Logan), who is being manipulated by his panicky boss (Williams) back home.
Sadly, the funniest thing about this film is the cast list, because filmmaker Forsberg simply doesn't have a clue how to put them to any use at all. There's so much camp value that it's not even funny. But it's not even remotely funny.
Tiffany, especially, is badly wasted as she plays every scene dead straight and doesn't say or do a single convincing thing. At least Logan is fun to watch simply for his oozing macho bravado.
And then there are the piranhas themselves, which look like they were created with paper and scissors, without the use of digital effects software at all.
That said, the scenes of them surging and flying through the air are so ridiculous that you can't help but laugh, especially when they chomp on a random character on their way back into the water. Although we should thank the filmmakers that they have indulged in this nonsensical airbourne skill, because the scenes underwater are indecipherably murky.
Frankly it's more than a little annoying that this isn't more fun than this.
The movie didn't have far to go before it was pushed over the edge into farce, but the filmmakers seem determined to go for thrills instead (there are none), and their inept direction and editing leave every scene hopelessly incoherent.
In the end, we're actually rooting for the piranhas to take over the world. Or at least Hollywood.
Run time: 92 mins
In Theaters: Saturday 10th April 2010
Distributed by: The Asylum
Production compaines: The Global Asylum
Contactmusic.com: 1.5 / 5
Rotten Tomatoes: 8%
Fresh: 1 Rotten: 12
IMDB: 2.4 / 10
Director: Eric Forsberg
Producer: David Michael Latt
Screenwriter: Eric Forsberg
Starring: Paul Logan as Jason Fitch, Jude Gerard Prest as Dr. Brian Higgins, Cooper Harris as Lt. Julia, Clint Browning as Captain Jonas, William Morse as Lt. Stritch, Matt Lagan as Submarine Captain Jim, Jonathan Nation as Mort, Joseph Porter as Ensign Filbert, Tiffany as Sarah Monroe, Barry Williams as Bob Grady, David Labiosa as Colonel Antonio Diaz, Jesse Daly as Dr. Eli Gordon, Jesel Ortloff as Mom, Lola Forsberg as Steph, Jillian Easton as Jane the Reporter
Also starring: David Michael Latt
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