Glitter

"Terrible"

Glitter Review


After enduring Mariah Carey's film debut, Glitter, I'm reminded of a bit from Chris Rock's Bigger and Blacker. In response to women saying that they can raise a child without a man, Rock says, "You can drive a car with your feet, but that don't mean it should be done." To that I say, you can give Mariah Carey a movie, but that certainly don't mean it should be done.

Sure, there are plenty of pop star film vehicles out there -- from The Beatles' A Hard Day's Night to the Spice Girls' Spice World -- but none have been so vapidly pointless or laughable as Glitter. Everything about this complete tripe is ludicrous.

Start off with the story, which -- as gruesomely predictable as it is -- is the least offensive part of the movie. The film is inexplicably set in the 80s, a period piece that really shows no sign of its period except for a few chicks in leg warmers. Worse yet, everyone's speaking late 90s hip-hop slang in what should be 1983. Meant to be partially autobiographical, Carey plays Billie Frank, a young singer in New York who struggles to overcome a rough childhood and abandonment by her alcoholic mother. Influential club DJ Julian Dice, a.k.a. "Lucky 7" (Max Beesley playing a bad mix of Puff Daddy and Robert De Niro), hears her sing on a track, and decides to make her a star. In rapid succession, Billie and Dice fall for each other, she starts hitting it big, Dice gets jealous and starts acting like an ass, and suddenly Billie's on "the roller coaster of superstardom." In the meantime, Billie is on an emotional hunt for her missing mom. I won't give away the ending, but -- honestly -- just think of unicorns and rainbows... you'll figure it out.

The movie screams to be made with camp, and that could've been fun. But the filmmakers thought making the bulk of Glitter weepy and dramatic would be better. What a mistake. The brief attempts at comic relief -- as in a scene where an effeminate Russian-sounding director gets wacky with filming Billie's first music video -- go over like lead balloons. Instead, the audience at my screening tended to laugh loudest during Mariah's most dramatic scenes.

Which brings us to the performances, of which there's nothing good that can be said. Mariah is primarily seen with a wide-eyed deer-in-the-headlights look frozen on her face. She actually looks scared during her one love scene.

But you have to wonder if the writing isn't even worse. So much of the dialogue is so hackneyed and watered down for Carey's virginal target audience that it's probably impossible for any actor to pull it off with aplomb. Even the characters couldn't have been written more absurdly. They're all members of a Barbie playset: the important film director who swoons, "Billie, I'd love to put you in a movie I'm making," and the big-time record executive who takes Billie's demo tape and says, "Oh, I'll make sure the whole team listens to it in the morning." Everyone in the film is a device, and it's painful to keep watching just to see another one appear.

To say more would be a waste. There's so much wrong with this film. And, it pains me that Mariah Carey -- with her ego and sanity in such fragile condition these days, as evidenced by her multiple hospital stays -- will have to suffer through all the negative reviews she's likely to get.

But, then again, I had to suffer through her movie.

Ah, when we wore sheets, and it rained credit cards...



Glitter

Facts and Figures

Run time: 104 mins

In Theaters: Friday 21st September 2001

Box Office USA: $3.9M

Box Office Worldwide: $5.3M

Budget: $22M

Distributed by: 20th Century Fox

Production compaines: Columbia Pictures, 20th Century Fox

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 1 / 5

Rotten Tomatoes: 7%
Fresh: 6 Rotten: 81

IMDB: 2.1 / 10

Cast & Crew

Producer:

Starring: as Billie Frank, as Julian "Dice" Black, as Timothy Walker, as Lillian Frank, as Sylk, as Roxanne, as Louise, as Rafael, Don Ackerman as Peter

Contactmusic


Links



Advertisement

New Movies

Hampstead Movie Review

Hampstead Movie Review

Deliberately appealing to older audiences, this undemanding comedy-drama comes with a hint of social relevance...

The Book of Henry Movie Review

The Book of Henry Movie Review

Apparently, this offbeat script had been making the rounds in Hollywood for some 20 years...

Transformers: The Last Knight Movie Review

Transformers: The Last Knight Movie Review

With this fifth Transformers movie, it seems clear that Michael Bay is still trying to...

Churchill Movie Review

Churchill Movie Review

This drama about the iconic British prime minister tells a darkly personal story set over...

Gifted Movie Review

Gifted Movie Review

This is one of those films that dances right up to the edge of soapy...

Whitney: Can I Be Me Movie Review

Whitney: Can I Be Me Movie Review

Notorious British filmmaker Nick Broomfield teams up with Austrian music documentary producer Rudi Dolezal to...

The Mummy Movie Review

The Mummy Movie Review

To launch their new Dark Universe franchise, Universal has taken an approach that mixes murky...

Advertisement
My Cousin Rachel Movie Review

My Cousin Rachel Movie Review

Daphne du Maurier's 1951 mystery-romance novel has been adapted for theatre, radio, TV and film,...

Wilson Movie Review

Wilson Movie Review

It's never helpful when a comedy becomes a bit too smug about its own quirkiness....

Interlude in Prague Movie Review

Interlude in Prague Movie Review

A fictionalised story from the life of Wolfgang Mozart, this lavishly produced period drama is...

The Hippopotamus Movie Review

The Hippopotamus Movie Review

This British satirical comedy may be a bit of a mess, but since it's based...

Detour Movie Review

Detour Movie Review

This may look like a rather typical American indie thriller, but British filmmaker Christopher Smith...

Wonder Woman Movie Review

Wonder Woman Movie Review

Boldly optimistic, this action-packed adventure breathes fresh life into the DC universe with a welcome...

Baywatch Movie Review

Baywatch Movie Review

Clearly, it's a risky proposition adapting a cheesy vintage TV series for the big screen:...

Advertisement
Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews
                musicians & bands in the news
                  actors & filmmakers in the news
                    celebrities in the news

                      Go Back in Time using our News archive to see what happened on a particular day in the past.