Curdled

"Bad"

Curdled Review


Who says death can't be funny? I mean, aside from the immediate knee-jerk reaction of personally witnessing a decapitation or some other horrific method of dispatch, it's a pretty fair bet that culturally we can find individual X's demise a funny thing. In dark comedies it's almost always the ultimate form of irony (or a classic example of Murphy's Law). It's even become chic to make movies founded and marketed almost entirely on the phrase "what a way to go" (Final Destination and its sequel spring to mind). Let's face it - we're morbid little schmucks. But even if you like dark comedies per se, you probably will get no more than a few sardonic smirks out of this movie.

There's a formula for good dark comedies, and somehow the cast and crew of Curdled screws up this formula entirely. Instead of being cool and quietly ironic, Curdled is the attention whore of dark comedies, begging for loving by acting out in dumb ways and being blatantly over the top.

The whole movie revolves around a death-obsessed Columbian maid named Gabriela (Angela Jones) and a bartender (William Baldwin) who moonlights as a gigolo who moonlights as the Blue Blooded Killer (talk about killing your customer base). For good measure, they also throw in Gabriela's boyfriend-in-waiting, Eduardo (Bruce Ramsey), but he's like the motive in slasher movies: unexplained and useless.

The maid finds work at a company called PFCS, the Post Forensic Cleanup Service (that little pain you feel is an incredibly dumb joke hitting you over the head). Work becomes crack for the little gore hound, and before you know it you know it she's developed an obsession dealing with whether or not heads speak after they've been chopped off. Meanwhile the bartender/manwhore/psychopath ends up getting his name written in Sharpie underneath the copious amount of blood left by one of his victims. Ensue freaking out.

Curdled has roughly the momentum of a snail on speed. Throughout the 88-minute dance towards each other, Curdled fails to make a single really funny joke until the end. (The whole movie may be worth watching just for the most unique salsa number ever, but you'd have to sit through the other 80 minutes to get to that point or appreciate it.) Curdled spends its running time building up to a joke that, truth to be told, isn't all that funny and ends up coming out like a long episode of Seinfeld without any of the building up humor - it's a golf joke that takes forever to get to the punch line.

Not to suggest another remake (Curdled was itself a remake of a 1991 movie), but if Curdled had maybe added some funny things in between, or made us actually give a damn about any of its characters (the neurosis that drives the bartender to kill is a vast unexplored wilderness of potential funniness, as is the source of Gabriella's obsession with gore), then Curdled would actually be worth sitting through. As it stands, you just want to stab the movie and chop off its cinematic head.

Dance lessons.



Curdled

Facts and Figures

Run time: 88 mins

In Theaters: Friday 27th September 1996

Box Office Worldwide: $49.6 thousand

Budget: $2.3M

Distributed by: Miramax

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 1.5 / 5

Rotten Tomatoes: 17%
Fresh: 2 Rotten: 10

IMDB: 5.9 / 10

Cast & Crew

Director:

Starring: as Eduardo, as Paul Guell, as Katrina Brandt, as Lodger, as Elena, as Gabriela, Vivienne Sendaydiego as Eva, Sandra Thigpen as Grace, as Kelly Hogue, Caridad Ravelo as Joan, as Lourdes, as Clara, Lupita Ferrer as Marie Clement, Nattacha Amador as Young Gabriela's Mother, Therese Marie Gutierrez as PFCS Spokesmaid, Charles Tucker as San the Barback, Allysa Tacher as Young Gabriela, Sabrina Cowan as Red Haired Waitress, Nicoll Bacharach as Beheaded French Revolutionary, Jay Arnor as Falling Man

Contactmusic


Links



Advertisement

New Movies

The BFG Movie Review

The BFG Movie Review

For his adaptation of the Roald Dahl classic, Steven Spielberg reunited with screenwriter Melissa Mathison,...

Finding Dory Movie Review

Finding Dory Movie Review

It's been 13 years since the release of the Disney/Pixar hit Finding Nemo, and filmmaker...

Star Trek Beyond Movie Review

Star Trek Beyond Movie Review

This is where the Star Trek franchise officially shifts from thoughtful drama into thunderous action....

Ice Age: Collision Course Movie Review

Ice Age: Collision Course Movie Review

With its fifth feature-length adventure, this franchise continues its preposterous journey at full tilt. As...

Keanu Movie Review

Keanu Movie Review

An entertaining hybrid of satirical comedy and action thriller, this madcap adventure swerves wildly between...

Ghostbusters Movie Review

Ghostbusters Movie Review

It's been more than 30 years since the Ghostbusters first hit the big screen with...

Now You See Me 2 Movie Review

Now You See Me 2 Movie Review

While the original 2013 magical caper was a big hit, it's style-over-substance approach didn't exactly...

Advertisement
The Legend of Tarzan Movie Review

The Legend of Tarzan Movie Review

It's been nearly 30 years since the last live-action Tarzan movie, and yet it still...

Maggie's Plan Movie Review

Maggie's Plan Movie Review

A New York comedy with vivid characters and a contrived plot, this feels rather a...

Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie Movie Review

Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie Movie Review

Nearly 25 years after the sitcom debuted, Edina and Patsy arrive on the big screen...

Central Intelligence Movie Review

Central Intelligence Movie Review

After teaming up with Will Ferrell for Get Hard and Ice Cube for two Ride...

The Colony [Colonia] Movie Review

The Colony [Colonia] Movie Review

Based on a true story, this Chilean drama has a chilling edge to it that's...

Independence Day: Resurgence Movie Review

Independence Day: Resurgence Movie Review

Two decades is a long time to wait for a sequel, especially one starring much...

Elvis & Nixon Movie Review

Elvis & Nixon Movie Review

This movie is based on a real meeting between Elvis Presley and Richard Nixon in...

Advertisement
Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews
                musicians & bands in the news
                  actors & filmmakers in the news
                    celebrities in the news

                      Go Back in Time using our News archive to see what happened on a particular day in the past.