Beaches

"Terrible"

Beaches Review


In the history of men going to the movies, there are few horrors as singularly terrifying as the movie Beaches. With its combination of precious tragicomedy plot, copious singing, and Bette Midler, the horror trifecta is already complete. But there's plenty more: Not only is Midler heard here singing about her tits (her words), Mayim "Blossom" Bialik plays the 11-year-old version of brazen Bette. Chills don't get much colder than this.

Watching the 1989 movie today, it's not just an unabashed chick flick, it's also revealed as a plain-old Bad Movie. For starters, it's not really about anything, instead preferring to work (or not) as a collection of loose scenes that illustrate the ups and downs of two friends (Midler and Barbara Hershey) from their pre-teens to the grave. Things happen, but not much. The film's only real plot point comes in the last act (spoilers ahead if you care), when Hershey's character croaks on us, sticking Midler with her daughter.

Midler has never been my cup of tea, but her histrionics here are almost completely intolerable. (Isn't She Great runs a close second.) Strutting around like she owns the joint, the "look at me!" act wears thin, quickly. In fact, it's pretty much worn out by Bialik's dead-on impersonation before Midler appears in the film at all.

Even Barbara Hershey (remember how famous she was supposed to become after this film?) is on the grating side. Rather than establish her legacy as a serious actress, the film stands as a testament to the creepiness of collagen lip injections, which she pioneered during the movie. She's a trailblazer, folks!

And what about that movie, anyway? Beaches is supposed to be about how true friendship is eternal -- that if you die, you'll always have somebody to take care of your illegitimate child. Hell, the way we see it Hershey would have been better off dumping her pal CC at age 11. Good ridddance.

The new Special Edition DVD includes commentary from director Garry Marshall, bloopers, a video, and, gulp, "Mayim Bialik Remembers..." (exactly what it sounds like).

The wind beneath her wings -- so, like, she's beating down on you with her wings?



Beaches

Facts and Figures

Run time: 123 mins

In Theaters: Friday 13th January 1989

Box Office Worldwide: $57M

Distributed by: Disney

Production compaines: Touchstone Pictures, All Girl Productions, Silver Screen Partners IV

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 1 / 5

Rotten Tomatoes: 29%
Fresh: 7 Rotten: 17

IMDB: 6.7 / 10

Cast & Crew

Director:

Starring: as Cecilia 'CC' Carol Bloom, as Hillary Whitney Essex, as John Pierce, as Dr. Richard Milstein, as Leona Bloom, as Michael Essex, as Cecilia 'CC' Carol Bloom, as Hillary Whitney Essex, Carol Williard as Aunt Vesta, as Victoria Cecilia Essex

Contactmusic


Links



Advertisement

New Movies

Star Wars: The Last Jedi Movie Review

Star Wars: The Last Jedi Movie Review

After the thunderous reception for J.J. Abrams' Episode VII: The Force Awakens two years ago,...

Daddy's Home 2 Movie Review

Daddy's Home 2 Movie Review

Like the 2015 original, this comedy plays merrily with cliches to tell a silly story...

The Man Who Invented Christmas Movie Review

The Man Who Invented Christmas Movie Review

There's a somewhat contrived jauntiness to this blending of fact and fiction that may leave...

Ferdinand Movie Review

Ferdinand Movie Review

This animated comedy adventure is based on the beloved children's book, which was published in...

Brigsby Bear Movie Review

Brigsby Bear Movie Review

Director Dave McCary makes a superb feature debut with this offbeat black comedy, which explores...

Battle of the Sexes Movie Review

Battle of the Sexes Movie Review

A dramatisation of the real-life clash between tennis icons Billie Jean King and Bobby Riggs,...

Shot Caller Movie Review

Shot Caller Movie Review

There isn't much subtlety to this prison thriller, but it's edgy enough to hold the...

Advertisement
The Disaster Artist Movie Review

The Disaster Artist Movie Review

A hilariously outrageous story based on real events, this film recounts the making of the...

Stronger Movie Review

Stronger Movie Review

Based on a true story about the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing, this looks like one...

Only the Brave Movie Review

Only the Brave Movie Review

Based on a genuinely moving true story, this film undercuts the realism by pushing its...

Wonder Movie Review

Wonder Movie Review

This film may be based on RJ Palacio's fictional bestseller, but it approaches its story...

Happy End  Movie Review

Happy End Movie Review

Austrian auteur Michael Haneke isn't known for his light touch, but rather for hard-hitting, award-winning...

Patti Cake$ Movie Review

Patti Cake$ Movie Review

Seemingly from out of nowhere, this film generates perhaps the biggest smile of any movie...

The Limehouse Golem Movie Review

The Limehouse Golem Movie Review

A Victorian thriller with rather heavy echoes of Jack the Ripper, this film struggles to...

Advertisement
Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews
                musicians & bands in the news
                  actors & filmmakers in the news
                    celebrities in the news

                      Go Back in Time using our News archive to see what happened on a particular day in the past.