After attempting to briefly educate us about the perils of driving, The Hitcher (a remake of the 1986 cable standby) then jumps straight into the action. A guy (Zachary Knighton) waits impatiently for his girlfriend outside her dorm with a 1970 Oldsmobile 442. As he sits by his muscle car and she (Sophia Bush) comes out with nothing but pajamas and a small backpack on, The Hitcher feels like it should turn into a Penthouse story at any moment. They hop in the car, and before we even get their names we get to see Bush changing in the car and going on the road.
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The event starts off with bikini-babe paintball game, moves on to a well-product-placed Golden Nugget casino, and then detours to a porn set, a giant tub of spaghetti, a warehouse, jail, and more. American Pie-style antics are rampant, though Harold and Kumar's Kal Penn is the only one of the boys you're likely to have ever seen before.
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Sid (Russell Crowe) is version number 6.7 of a compilation of 183 personalities: mass murderers, serial killers, and Hitler-types. The ultimate villain, Sid is imbued with the ability to regenerate damage at the touch of glass (silicon), almost superhuman powers, and the cunning and mental imbalance of history's worst killers. And who would have thought...when you let Sid out of the lab, Sid wants to kill. Preferably on national television.
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It's such a damn shame when such a talent and versatile actors like Jet Li and Delroy Lindo re subjected to portray such stereotypical, mundane, pointless characters. To all those who are unaware of Jet Li, stop reading right now and run down to your local video story and ask for Once Upon a Time in China, Bodyguard from Beijing, and Hitman. You might have seen him in that techno-redubbed version of Black Mask or as the evil Chinese bad guy in Lethal Weapon 4 that had be shot and stabbed before Mel Gibson could save face and not get his ass kicked again. But Jet Li's character in Romeo Must Die reminds me of the circus clown hired to keep the kiddies smiling in the film.
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