Eminem is still disgusted by his drugged-up behaviour at pal PROOF's funeral in 2006 - because in his addled mind the ceremony was all about him.
The rapper was in the midst of a drug hell when his best friend was murdered and he struggled to cope with the tragedy, even showing up to the funeral high on prescription pain medication.
Eminem tells Rolling Stone magazine, "I wasn't the only person grieving - he left a wife and kids. But I was very much in my own grief. I was so high at his funeral.
"It disgusts me to say it, but I felt like it was about me. I hate myself for even thinking that. It was selfish."
The rapper admits Proof's death turned him into a drug-addled tyrant, who distanced himself from anyone who suggested he needed help.
He adds, "It creeps me out sometimes to think of the person I was. I was a terrible person. I was mean to people, I treated people around me s**tty.
"Obviously I was hiding something. I was f**ked up inside, and people with those kinds of problems tend to put up this false bravado - let me attack everyone else, so the focus is off me. But of course everybody knew."