It's that time of year again! The nominations for this year's Razzies have been announced, with Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 - which made a ridiculous $814 million at the box office - leading the way with 11 nominations, including Worst Film and Worst Sequel. A spoof of the Academy Awards, this year's Razzies' picks arrived just one day before Thursday's Oscar nominations. So which directors, actors and actresses will have let out a giant, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO" when catching wind of the infamous nominations today? And perhaps more importantly, who should win (or lose). Which movies and performances really were the worst of the worst? Here goes.
Ah, the ultimate Razzies gong. Battleship, The Oogieloves in Big Balloon Adventure, That's My Boy, A Thousand Words and The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part II will battle it out for the worst movie of the year. What a depressing list, though made rather more exciting this year by the inclusion of a film likely to be considered one of the worst OF ALL TIME. It is of course A Thousand Words, starring everyone's favourite movie dud, Eddie Murphy. Whoever financed this movie deserves to be flogged, or at least locked in a room with the lead character - the wholly unlikable literary agent Jack McCall, who learns a valuable lesson after finding a Bodhi tree on his property. And that's it. That's the movie. The whole sorry affair resulted in a rather low score of ABSOLUTE ZERO on the Rotten Tomatoes review aggregating website. In case you're still trying to figure that one out, it means A Thousand Words has absolutely no redeeming features. Nobody who reviewed the film found anything good in it. To put the score into context, last year's Razzies winner - the disgraceful Jack and Jill - holds an impressive 3%. Anybody who saw that film probably now has a clear idea of how bad A Thousand Words is.
Worst Director gongs can be a real killer blow, especially if the film in question doesn't win the top award. It means you've done such a bad job of directing a script that you deserve an award for it. You're going to form part of a press release, telling the world's media of your disastrous couple of weeks behind the camera. Hell, you probably had half-decent material to work with, but you made it a real mess of it didn't you? Up for the award this year, it's Peter Berg for the atrocious Battleship, Bill Condon for the even worse The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part II, Tyler Perry for the forgettable Good Deeds and Madea's Witness Protection, John Putch for the ridiculously titled Atlas Shrugged Part II and the man who surely should win: Sean Anders for the unspeakable That's My Boy. Another horrendous comedy from somewhere near the back of Adam Sandler's book of movie ideas. We don't really blame for Anders for his direction as such, we just blame him for saying yes in the first place. Ok, so his track record is pretty dismal anyway, but That's My Boy, really? The film followed Sandler's character Donny who fathered a son played by Andy Samberg and raised him as a single parent up until his 18th birthday. Adam Ross of The Aristocrat kind of summed the whole thing up in his review. "I waited until 'tight Tuesdaday' to see it. It was the worst $11.50 I've ever spent. I've bought $11.50 mocktails that gave me more of a buzz than this piece of sh*t," he said.
We bet Katherine Heigl never expected to find herself in the good old Razzies list when she bought the rights to the One For The Money books. Her turn in the first of the crime-comedy movies was fairly unremarkable, though we'd be surprised should she win the award. Kristen Stewart, Barbra Streisand and Tyler Perry also feature in the nominations, and although we were close to highlighting the Twilight actress, we can't look beyond the horrible performance that Milla Jovovich turned in for Resident Evil: Retribution. Firstly, who thought this movie was a good idea? Secondly, did anyone watch it? It's like that old tree falling in a forest question: If Milla Jovovich made another Resident Evil movie but nobody was there to watch it, did it really ever happen? We hope not.
Was anyone as bad as Jovovich on the male side of Hollywood? Well, yes, incidentally. Nicolas Cage was unimpressive in Ghost Rider 2: Spirit Of Vengeance, though we're still of the opinion that the Oscar winner has a decent role in him yet. Robert Pattinson has scored a nomination for Twilight, as has Tyler Perry for Alex Cross and Adam Sandler for That's My Boy. If you've bothered reading this far, you'll know there's only man who can win this one. Eddie Murphy, for A Thousand Words. An all-round dud of a performance that must have the guys financing the Beverly Hills Cop television series reaching for the shotguns.
Worst Supporting Actress
And now for the supporting roles. Which actors and actresses provided god-awful stability for their lead co-stars to go on and give equally bad performances? Jessica Biel is nominated for Playing For Keeps AND Total Recall, while model Brooklyn Decker also gets two nods for Battleship and What To Expect When You're Expecting. Ashley Greene is also thrown on top of the Twilight bonfire, while Jennifer Lopez gets the thumbs down for What To Expect. Rihanna rounds things out for her turn in Battleship. Jeez, imagine having Brooklyn Decker and Rihanna as your supporting actresses. Massive question marks considering they're not actresses. But anyway, former American Idol judge Lopez gets out vote for her frankly ridiculous turn in the comedy. Urgh, Lionsgate probably half expected this steaming pile of trash to hang onto the coattails of the Sex and the City movies. But it didn't. And nobody watched it. The Guardian said, "Someday Hollywood will think of women as more than fallopian tubes in heels; until then, we're stuck with this kind of project."
Worst Supporting Actor
There's hardly any point in listing the nominations for this one, because David Hasselhoff wins for the brainless Piranha 3-DD. Taylor Lautner, Liam Neeson, Nick Swardson and Vanilla Ice better be thanking their lucky star that The Hoff had the ability to put forward such an incompetent performance. Saying that, Liam Neeson will probably win. He was arguably worse than Rihanna.
Worst Screen Ensemble
Rihanna, Brooklyn Decker, Taylor Kitsch and a horrible performance from Liam Neeson. Yes, it has to be Battleship to win Worst Screen Ensemble. As mentioned, two of the main cast aren't even actresses, while it's debatable that Kitsch is even an actor (John Carter, anyone?) They were probably praying Neeson could hold it all together, but he couldn't. Others in with a shout of the award are the cast of The Oogieloves In Big Balloon Adventure, That's My Boy, Twilight and Madea's Witness Protection.
Which unlucky scribe will bag this year's prize? Who really dropped their directors, producers, actor and actresses in the deep end with pages and pages of typed up diarrhoea? Well, all the usual suspects are in there, (Battleship, That's My Boy, etc) but we can't get away from A Thousand Words, which was just a bad idea from start to finish. It's the handy work of Click writer Steve Koren. Shame on you, Steve Koren.
Worst Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel
Last year, this award went to Sandler's Jack and Jill (remake of Glen or Glenda), though the comedian finds himself out of the running this year. He's probably learnt his lesson with sequels. Anyway, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part II will probably take the prize, though we're plumping for Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance. The first movie was one of the worst reviewed flicks of 2007, which begs the question, who commissioned a sequel. And why?
Worst Screen Couple
Looks as though the Razzies organizers are having a little fun with this one, nominating, "Any two cast members from Jersey Shore in The Three Stooges." It's a fair point. And they'll probably win, though Mackenzie Foy and Taylor Lautner are as wooden as old floorboards in the vampire drama, while the less said about Adam Sandler and Andy Samberg in That's My Boy, the better.
The 33rd Razzies ceremony will be held on February 23, 2013.
Watch the trailer for A Thousands Words: