When I watch certain actors paint such vivid and animated characters across the silver screen, I am almost reach a state of pure cinema bliss. I came close to that bliss when I watched the riveting Richard Gere is his latest film, American Gigolo 2, Male Gigolo. Gere has such a powerful presence in a number of memorable moments that draw from him an almost frightening realism that seems to reach out from the screen to the audience. Richard Gere's performance in the film--oh, wait a minute--let me retract that last statement. Did I say Richard Gere? Sorry for the confusion. I meant Rob Schneider, and his new film Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigolo. Gere and Schneider, I tend to mix up the two so often.
Continue reading: Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo Review
Washington, as John Q. Archibald, is today's blueprint, American blue-collar worker. He's an experienced Chicago machinist, a proud guy only able to work part-time hours due to the lack of work. The resulting scant paychecks lead to embarrassing situations, such as the repossession of his car, leaving his wife pissed off and his young son confused. The timing with today's marketplace couldn't be better in gaining the audience's sympathies.
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No quote better captures the excruciating experience of watching, or rather surviving, My Baby's Daddy. It's stupid and pointless. It's vulgar and crass without being remotely funny. It's racist and creepy, with a streak of sentimentality that's as genuine as a con man's handshake. It's full of more clichés than TV Land's primetime lineup. Writing a review is almost pointless, because anything I write will sound like a warning screamed from the rooftop.
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In the first Deuce Bigalow, Rob Schneider created an amusing character, probably the first male prostitute to carry a feature film aside from American Gigolo, and there's no reason the joke couldn't have lasted through a sequel or two, except one: Schneider is a non-presence on screen. Whether he's wearing a diaper, swordfighting, or dancing to accordion music, or whatever else he's doing, Schneider has no comedic appeal, nil.
Continue reading: Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo Review
After Rob Schneider's last two no-brow comedies ("The Hot Chick" and "The Animal") underperformed at the box office, he couldn't get work outside of his requisite cameos in Adam Sandler flicks. So he sat down with his buddies and wrote a sequel to "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo," his last hit, based on the ludicrous notion that there are lonely women out there desperate enough to pay to have sex with him.
Due entirely to its gratuitous political incorrectness, that movie eked out a few good chuckles, which is more than can be said for "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo," which is not just laughless, but downright boring and entirely dependent on every character being an imbecile in order for the plot to advance. Although, I did get through it without being overwhelmed by the urge strangle myself, so the movie has that going for it.
This time around witless, troll-like Deuce is in Copenhagen (insert dozens of obvious, telegraphed legal pot and prostitution jokes here), where the inept cops can't figure out who's killing all of Europe's top "man-whores." Taking matters into his own hands, he has to date -- as bait -- a series of mutant female suspects (insert dozens of obvious, telegraphed physical-deformity cheap-shots here).
Continue reading: Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo Review
One of the indications that a screenwriter has been living in Hollywood too long is when he start writing stories in which gorgeous, intelligent women fall in love with homely, chauvinist trolls like Rob Schneider and David Spade.
In a city where real-life Barbie dolls are only one phone call to Heidi Fleiss away for anyone who can afford them, such plots stop seeming so fantastic after a while, which is how we get movies like "Lost & Found," in which 98-pound pig Spade bagged French beauty Sofie Marceau, and this week's "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo."
Rob Schneider, late of "Saturday Night Live," is laughably cast as a romantic lead -- and a male prostitute -- in this occasionally funny fantasy for the "Beavis and Butthead" set.
Continue reading: Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigalo Review
Somewhere between "The Fugitive," "Bad Boys" and "Beverly Hills Cop" lies the plot of "Double Take," an action-comedy that's deadly short on both action and comedy.
Orlando Jones ("Make 7-Up yours!") stars as a posh Manhattan investment banker, with a supermodel girlfriend, who becomes a hunted man in an unnecessarily complex conspiracy of FBI and CIA agents when he discovers a $1.6 million irregularity in the accounts of a Mexican soda pop company -- his firm's biggest client -- and accidentally exposes the company as a drug front.
Because he's too stupid to ask questions of people who flash badges, he's soon on the run, trying to get to Mexico where a CIA spook has promised to protect him -- as if the CIA hasn't any branch offices in New York.
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From its very first scene, "John Q" feels as if it's designed to put a choke leash around your neck so director Nick Cassavetes can give it a good, hard yank whenever he wants you to feel something.
In this opening scene we watch a pretty blonde in a white BMW passing cars on a winding mountain road with a double yellow line. I'm sure I don't have to tell you what's coming, but Cassavetes toys with the viewer, dragging out a couple close calls to make your heart race before -- whammo! Squashed blonde.
What does this have to do with a movie about factory worker Denzel Washington taking over an emergency room at gunpoint to get his dying son a heart transplant? You guessed it -- the girl's an organ donor. But "John Q" doesn't get back to her until 10 minutes before the end of the movie. Cassavetes just puts it at the beginning for shock value.
Continue reading: John Q Review
For its first 20 minutes or so, the big-geek-on-campus comedy "The New Guy" gets by on a semi-fresh twist of tiresome teen clique themes and a well-cast lead. DJ Qualls -- the 98-lb. walking weakling punchline from 2000's "Road Trip" -- plays a bottom-of-the-food-chain bully magnet who changes high schools and reinvents himself as a wiry, uber-cool bad ass.
But as soon as the kid gets comfortable with his new studly status (insert stock scenes of trampy cheerleaders here) and we've seen Qualls' entire comical cool-jerk repertoire, the movie plum runs out of ideas and putters along on fumes until the closing credits.
Lazy and simplistic, when "The New Guy" isn't beating long-dead genre horses (Qualls feels guilty, for about two minutes, about dissing his "real" friends for the in crowd), it's a blender-edited mish-mosh of abridged plot points. Our hero apparently teaches everyone in his new school to get along, but we don't see how he does it. Before long campus hotties are hanging off the arms of dorks, overweight guys and other former outcasts. No explanation there either. Qualls' dad (Lyle Lovett) and former school counselor (Illeana Douglas) think his new style and attitude are signs of a drug problem, but that story angle is abandoned after about 30 seconds.
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The "Scary Movie" horror spoofs must be some kind of mutant, alien movie franchise. There's just no other explanation for the fact that the sequels actually keep getting better. And unlike the hilarious but indefensibly scattershot second installment, "Scary Movie 3" even has a coherent combo-platter plot.
Serving up campy twists on The Ring's" killer-videotape plot and the alien invasion from Signs" -- with a little mock-"8 Mile" thrown in for flava -- the story catches up with wide-eyed dingbat heroine Anna Faris (who goofed on Neve Campbell's "Scream" character in the first two films) after she has become a blonde TV reporter (a la Naomi Watts in "The Ring") who discovers the creepy VHS cassette that curses anyone who watches it to die horribly in seven days. But when she tries to warn the world of its dangers, her producer puts his foot down: "No more paranoid on-air rants about the supernatural!"
Meanwhile Charlie Sheen -- returning to the kind of parody he showed such a deadpan knack for in 1991's "Hot Shots!" -- plays a farmer and former priest (shades of Mel Gibson in "Signs") whose cornfields have been flattened in a mysterious "crop circle" that from above reads "Attack Here!" with an arrow pointing to his house.
Continue reading: Scary Movie 3 Review
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