Chantelle Houghton feels like an ''idiot'' because she believes former partner Alex Reid never loved her.
The reality TV star feels ''betrayed'' over the end of her relationship with the cage fighter - with who she has five-month-old daughter Dolly - but has only realised how bad things were after Alex hit out at her following a recent interview she did.
She said: ''I feel like I'm having the worst time of my life, but I'm lucky to have a lot of support.
''When Alex discovered I'd done an interview to defend myself against his accusations, he said to me, 'Now it's going to get ugly.'
''I feel such an idiot. All those months I think I was in denial. I was having sleepless nights, had milk leaking from my boobs and thought that my partner loved me but I don't think he ever truly did.
''I can't help but feel utterly betrayed. I feel sad - this should have been an amazing time for us.''
Despite the bad feeling between the former couple, Chantelle doesn't want Dolly to suffer and is trying to arrange some regularly visiting time for Alex to see his daughter.
She wrote in her column for new! magazine: ''I'm trying to sort out set times for Alex to see Dolly because I want to avoid last-minute meetings when it might be her sleep time.
''Obviously we don't have nine-to-five jobs, so it won't always work out, but I want us to try to stick to them.
''Alex is Dolly's dad and always will be. He's welcome to see her whenever he wants, obviously at a time that suits both of us. I've never stopped Alex seeing Dolly and never would.''