Finally the hit upon robbing a mailman to steal his mail in the hopes there will be cash inside. Whoa. They don't find any cash, but they do find a letter from a virginal Tecec to dad, expressing her concerns about being wooed into the sack. They then decide to approach a tabloid in the hopes of completing said wooing, videotaping it, and earning hundreds of thousands of dollars in the process.
Continue reading: The Scheme Review
No, the title of "Half Past Dead" isn't meant to describe the state of one-note, whisper-tough action star Steven Seagal's movie career -- but it wouldn't be far off. The guy has never had the best taste in scripts -- let's face it, any good movies he's made have been flukes -- but this gangsta-styled, ammo-fueled, prison break-in Z-movie could well be the dumbest flick he's ever anchored.
Taking place on a high-tech "New Alcatraz" prison island, where a guard's hand print and voice identification are required to get into cell blocks but the armory doesn't even have a screen door, the plot revolves around prisoner (and deep-cover FBI agent) Seagal leading the inmates in a battle against leather-clad bad-ass invaders from Central Casting who've come to snatch a death row resident -- during his execution -- so he can lead them to a secret stash of gold.
Nothing more than feeble, imitation-John-Woo style slow-mo shoot-outs and kung fu clashes set to a rap and hard-rock soundtrack, this movie has no standards beyond achieving the loudest possible visual volume. Writer-director Don Michael Paul (whose only credits are the script for the insufferable sci-fi motorcycle movie "Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man" and episodes of trash TV like "Silk Stalkings" and "Pacific Blue") couldn't care less about wooden acting, scenery chewing or gaping chasms in common sense, just as long as the guns stay a-blazin' and the obligatory babe baddie (Nia Peeples) shows a lot of midriff (because tight leather tummy tops are just so practical when parachuting into a penitentiary full of hardened rapists and murderers).
Continue reading: Half Past Dead Review