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Van Wilder 2: The Rise Of Taj Review


Bad
If I was the studio that produced Revenge of the Nerds, I'd be on the phone to a lawyer to file a plagiarism/copyright violation suit against the studio that produced Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj, which is as close to a scene-by-scene ripoff as you could possibly imagine.

Check it out: Van Wilder 2 (which does not feature the original film's title character in any way whatsoever, nor does it even take place in the same country) has Taj (Kal Penn), a minor character from the original, of to a British university to continue his education. Here he tries to join the ritzy fraternity, only to be quickly turned away. At his new home, he joins with the campus losers to start their own frat house. The bulk of the film comprises a series of contests on campus with some vague prize going to the winning fraternity. Along the way, Taj steals the girlfriend of his posh rival (Daniel Percival). Naturally, no opportunity to present a naked bosom is passed by.

Continue reading: Van Wilder 2: The Rise Of Taj Review

National Lampoon's Van Wilder Review


Terrible
It's sad that visual jokes about male bodily fluids no longer shock audiences. Now, for films to surprise us, they must include jokes about the fluids of other animals. Van Wilder, the latest installment in the never-ending National Lampoon series, doesn't stop with just a joke, however. It actually contains a scene wherein characters consume dog semen.

Perhaps in a sick, twisted way, the concept of a person unknowingly consuming animal semen could be somewhat amusing. But actually watching a character manually stimulate a canine with oversized testicles is not funny. The scene continues with the character filling donuts with the ejaculation and then feeding the pastries to his peers. The sequence concludes as characters squirt the contents of the food into their mouths. This is a point when gross-out humor simply becomes too gross to qualify as humor.

Continue reading: National Lampoon's Van Wilder Review

Holiday In The Sun Review


Terrible
Essentially a promotional film (a big music video, really) for the Atlantis resort in the Bahamas (the DVD is actually preceded by a commercial for the resort), Holiday in the Sun takes those oh-so-precious Olsen twins to the sunny beach for madcap hijinks. Daddy's so rich he has a private plane! He flies it himself! There's waverunners (chapter 3 of the disc: "I feel the need... the need for speed."), horseback riding, a bitchy rival after their man, plenty of slow-motion, and, wouldn't ya know it, an antiques smuggling ring to bust up.

In case you're worried about the authenticity of this adventure, the front cover of the movie assures us it was "filmed at the Bahamas." (Not in the Bahamas, of course.) No antiques were harmed in the making of the film. No brain cells will be challenged during the viewing. The Olsens executive produced the film themselves.

Continue reading: Holiday In The Sun Review

My Baby's Daddy Review


Terrible
As I took that long, dark drive home from the multiplex after watching My Baby's Daddy, all I thought about was Raging Bull. Well, actually one scene, after boxer Jake LaMotta (Robert De Niro) has had the crap beaten out of him by Sugar Ray Robinson. As LaMotta, bruised and bleeding, exits the ring, he shouts to Robinson, "You didn't get me down, Ray!"

No quote better captures the excruciating experience of watching, or rather surviving, My Baby's Daddy. It's stupid and pointless. It's vulgar and crass without being remotely funny. It's racist and creepy, with a streak of sentimentality that's as genuine as a con man's handshake. It's full of more clichés than TV Land's primetime lineup. Writing a review is almost pointless, because anything I write will sound like a warning screamed from the rooftop.

Continue reading: My Baby's Daddy Review

National Lampoon's Van Wilder Review


Terrible
It's sad that visual jokes about male bodily fluids no longer shock audiences. Now, for films to surprise us, they must include jokes about the fluids of other animals. Van Wilder, the latest installment in the never-ending National Lampoon series, doesn't stop with just a joke, however. It actually contains a scene wherein characters consume dog semen.

Perhaps in a sick, twisted way, the concept of a person unknowingly consuming animal semen could be somewhat amusing. But actually watching a character manually stimulate a canine with oversized testicles is not funny. The scene continues with the character filling donuts with the ejaculation and then feeding the pastries to his peers. The sequence concludes as characters squirt the contents of the food into their mouths. This is a point when gross-out humor simply becomes too gross to qualify as humor.

Continue reading: National Lampoon's Van Wilder Review

The Girl Next Door (2004) Review


Good
It's been said that opposites attract, and in The Girl Next Door, those opposites just happen to be a high school student body president and a porn star. Interesting combination; I guess love has no boundaries. Though their relationship may stretch the limits of the old saying, they're drawn to each other partially because each one desires a bit of the other's life.

Matthew (Emile Hirsch) is at the top of his class, has recently been accepted to Georgetown University, and is readying himself for a career in politics. He's also preparing to deliver a speech (on morality, ironically) that could earn him a prestigious scholarship. Danielle (Elisha Cuthbert) wants a break from her job in the Los Angeles porn industry, and is housesitting for her aunt who lives next door to Matthew. She's also hiding out from her producer, ex-boyfriend Kelly (Timothy Olyphant) who nets $30,000 for each film she makes. Matthew wants to be cool like the school jocks that cut class and ditch school; Danielle wants to get the college education she never had and live a normal, suburban existence. They're perfect for each other, right?

Continue reading: The Girl Next Door (2004) Review

Underclassman Review


Weak
In a memorable Chapelle's Show sketch, Dave Chapelle's "son" raves about Nick Cannon to his frustrated father, having just lost a role to the young star of Drumline and Love Don't Cost a Thing. "Nick Cannon's hilarious," the kid gushes, provoking his already enraged father: "I'm glad you think he's so goddamn hilarious because he just walked off with your school clothes money... I'm broke nigga, I'm broke!"

Cannon has another starring role in Underclassman, and the younger Chappelle might want to think long and hard about where his allegiances lie. Cannon, who also served as an executive producer, stars as a baby-faced bike cop who goes undercover at a California prep school to investigate a student's murder. He soon discovers that there are a lot more shady happenings at the posh school and that learning is fun at any age. Of course, it helps immeasurably if the sultry Roselyn Sanchez is your Spanish teacher, but I digress.

Continue reading: Underclassman Review

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Brent Goldberg Movies

Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj Movie Review

Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj Movie Review

If I was the studio that produced Revenge of the Nerds, I'd be on the...

National Lampoon's Van Wilder Movie Review

National Lampoon's Van Wilder Movie Review

It's sad that visual jokes about male bodily fluids no longer shock audiences. Now,...

Advertisement
My Baby's Daddy Movie Review

My Baby's Daddy Movie Review

As I took that long, dark drive home from the multiplex after watching My Baby's...

National Lampoon's Van Wilder Movie Review

National Lampoon's Van Wilder Movie Review

It's sad that visual jokes about male bodily fluids no longer shock audiences. Now,...

The Girl Next Door (2004) Movie Review

The Girl Next Door (2004) Movie Review

It's been said that opposites attract, and in The Girl Next Door, those opposites just...

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