Have a very horrid Christmas with these festive frights.
Christmas is, to most people, a time of joy, happiness and goodwill to all. But to some, it's an over-commercialised excuse to get drunk and spend a sickening amount of money, and the so-called Christmas spirit is simply non-existent. If you happened to be the latter, wishy-washy holiday movies like 'Miracle on 34th Street' and 'It's a Wonderful Life' probably aren't your thing - but that doesn't mean you have to shun the festivities altogether.
For all you cynics out there, here's a list of movies that will convince you to block up your chimney - because the Santas here are not ones you want to visit you on Christmas Eve.
Santa's awake, and he's not in the mood for Christmas cheer
Continue reading: The Darker Side Of Christmas: 10 Horrible Horrors For The Holidays
American professional wrestler and Bill Goldberg Wednesday 14th October 2009 American professional wrestler and actor Bill Goldberg eating a green apple while out walking in Midtown Manhattan New York City, USA
The film follow two losers, played by Scott Caan and David Arquette, who run a septic truck business for the local town of Lusk, Wyoming. Their idol is Jimmy King (Oliver Platt), grand champion belt holder of the WCW Federation, who proclaims "I WILL RULE YOU!" after every victory. Caan and Arquette attend a WCW bout and, in horror, watch their idol fall from grace by turncoat WCW wrestlers. Jimmy King is beaten to a bloody pulp and a fellow wrestler, Diamond Dallas Page, takes the belt from the fallen king. After the show, Caan and Arquette strike out to find their defeated hero and once again place the crown upon the rightful king of the ring.
Continue reading: Ready To Rumble Review
So what do you do when your star loses his signature appeal? Universal Soldier: The Return attempts to turn him into a sort of James Bond, allowing him to rely on high tech stunts and clever intuition rather than pure power. The problem is that nobody wants Van Damme when we've already got Arnold, Pierce Brosnan, and even Sly Stallone as kings of the one-liner action flicks. So the formula is set: a limited budget, a fallible star, and Goldberg, the WCW wrestler, as your ominous villain. The result is a predictably lackluster flick.
Continue reading: Universal Soldier: The Return Review
Thus imprisoned in a dusty desert lock-up where the abusive,steroid-pumped guards (all played by wrestlers or former pro football linemen)have their own pigskin league, Sandler is compelled by the nasty warden(James Cromwell) to coach a scabby team of inmates for his boys to beatup on in practice. But for some reason known only to the screenwriter,these practices never happen. Instead, the movie follows the standard BigGame plot, and Sandler (who doesn't have the body mass to be credible asa former football player) recruits and trains the biggest, meanest prisonershe can find, then leads them onto the field himself (with Reynolds' helpas another ex-NFL inmate) for a full-contact finale picked up by ESPN2for a novelty national broadcast.
Unfortunately, once he's in the hoosegow and sobered up,all the bite goes out of Sandler's QB and he is severely upstaged by thecast of crazies (Cloris Leachman is the warden's aged, sex-mad secretary,Tracey Morgan leads the transvestite cheerleading squad) and muscle-boundtoughs (Brian Bosworth, Michael Irvin, Bill Romanowski, Steve Austin, BillGoldberg, etc.). Most of these guys can barely act, but at least directorPeter Segal ("50First Dates") figures out how to use themfor laughs.
What Segal can't seem to do is get a handle on the movie'sbalance of comedy and drama, on one hand relying heavily on race-basedone-liners (ChrisRock plays the joint's resident wisecracker),while on the other trying for moments of poignancy that fall awkwardlyflat. Because "The Longest Yard" takes itself seriously at times,it's harder to forgive the occasional gigantic plot hole -- like the factthat the inmates seem to have access to any room they want in the penalcomplex, even getting into the guards' locker room and personnel files.
Continue reading: The Longest Yard Review
David Arquette's escaped-lunitic-on-a-double-espresso style of nitwit comedy is an aquired taste. Or at least I assume it is since I don't find him funny but movie directors continue to cast him and AT&T saw fit to make them their collect-calling spokesman.
He's a one-note Jim Carrey wannabe with a Jerry Lewis IQ and two facial expressions: Half-asleep stoner and vein-popping screaming mimi. He's also a front-runner for Least Convincing Actor Alive, as he frequently seems to be looking desperately toward the camera for approval of over-the-top his antics.
David Arquette is also the star of "Ready To Rumble," a slow-pitch comedy about professional wrestling fans, seemingly made for some niche market of moviegoers that find Pauly Shore pictures too intellectually taxing.
Continue reading: Ready To Rumble Review
American Thighs was released on this day in 1994.
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David Arquette's escaped-lunitic-on-a-double-espresso style of nitwit comedy is an aquired taste. Or at least I...