Bill Cassinelli

Bill Cassinelli

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Scary Tales Review


Weak
Pity poor Dennis Frye. He's a slob -- out of work and wholly unmotivated to find it. But when a myserious couple places a "looking for work?" sign in his local convenience store, Frye (Bill Cassinelli) is piqued.

Soon enough, he finds himself in a job placement office, where he is presented with a handful of job opportunities by the creepy Mr. Longfellow (Joel D. Wynkoop), each of which turns out to be worse than the last (though all culminate with poor Dennis's early demise). Longfellow leads him into the "what may come" future of employment, Creepshow-style, and it ain't pretty. His job as a catering cook is marred by the hit and run murder of a little girl -- followed by his stalking by a group of dolls. His work in a bookstore teaches him about Astral travel, and he soon finds himself trapped in Limbo forever. A final job is as a screenwriter (from a job placement agency, huh?) sends him on interview after interview, where he finds nothing but rejection -- until a reincarnated Edgar Allen Poe appears, whom Frye kills and buries in a shallow grave. Or was that someone else he killed in his drunken stupor?

Continue reading: Scary Tales Review

Scary Tales: The Return Of Mr. Longfellow Review


Weak
As far as straight-to-video, shot-on-video, no budget schlock horror-comedies go, Scary Tales: The Return of Mr. Longfellow is as good as you'd expect. Made on a budget of $2,000 but garnering a host of B-movie straight-to-video talent like Felissa Rose (Sleepaway Camp), Robert Z'Dar (Maniac Cop), and Joe Estevez (Martin Sheen's younger brother, who has appeared in over 120 films), it has a "charm" all its own.

For all those unfamiliar with the original Scary Tales, which introduced the diabolical frame story host Mr. Longfellow (Joel D. Wynkoop) -- and I'm counting on the fact that most of filmcritic.com's readership has not -- have no fear. This sequel offers very little in terms of plot and character development, so you should have no trouble getting up to speed. Mr. Longfellow has set up shop at a used car lot, where he tells his fright-filled anecdotes to unsuspecting buyers.

Continue reading: Scary Tales: The Return Of Mr. Longfellow Review

Bill Cassinelli

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