Johnny Depp needs to seriously rethink his movie roles - or maybe he's just not that bothered.
We've been expecting these Mortdecai reviews for the past couple of days - but ultimately, we knew what was coming. It was the calm before the storm. And now we're in the grip of a full blown twister.
Johnny Depp plays the debonair art dealer Charlie Mortdecai in 'Mortdecai'
" There surely won't be a film in 2015 worse than this art-heist romp, starring Johnny Depp," wrote the Telegraph in its leader to Robbie Collin's 1-star review of the movie.
Now, we're not sure whether it's Depp or his agent at fault here, but the movie star - once one of the most versatile and talented on the planet - has a recent credits list that leads: Alice in Wonderland, The Tourist, Rango, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, The Rum Diary, Dark Shadows, The Lone Ranger, Transcendence, Into the Woods and Mortdecai. And that's worrying.
His latest movie sees Depp take on the role of debonair art dealer Charlie Mortdecai who must traverse the globe armed only with his good looks and "special charm". Yep, that is what the movie is about.
Johnny Depp [L] as Charlie Mortdecai, and Paul Bettany [R] in 'Mortdecai'
"It's hard to think of a way in which the experience of watching the new Johnny Depp film could be any worse," said Collin in his review, "...unless you returned home afterwards to discover that Depp himself had popped round while you were out and set fire to your house."
"For all its minor offenses against taste and decency, the sole unforgivable sin that Mortdecai commits is one that would leave its rakish anti-hero aghast. Because the film that bears his name is ultimately a frightful, crashing bore," wrote Todd McCarthy of the Hollywood Reporter.
"Mortdecai, a perky but obstinately unfunny heist caper with a hero irksome enough to make any happily mustachioed man reconsider his life choices," said Guy Lodge of Variety.
Directed by David Koepp and co-starring Gwyneth Paltrow, Ewan McGregor, Paul Bettany, Olivia Munn, Jeff Goldblum, Mortdecai is in cinemas in the US and UK on Friday, January 23, 2015.
What do you do when you feel like your garden ornaments are in grave danger?...
The latest adaptation of Agatha Christie's 83-year-old classic whodunit, this lavish, star-studded film is old-style...
It's the 1930s and a group of strangers from different walks of life board a...
Subtitled Salazar's Revenge in the UK, this fifth film in the long-running series never quite...
It seems Captain Jack Sparrow has been sailing the seas as a pirate for many,...
Forget Davy Jones' Locker and the Fountain of Youth, Captain Jack Sparrow is on an...
It's been five years since the last Harry Potter movie, and J.K. Rowling has been...
Jack Sparrow finds himself in constant trouble with the law; not only is his name...
This much more light-hearted sequel reinvigorates the franchise after Disney's quirky but murky 2010 reboot...
As Alice is once again taken into the magical and mysterious world that she's somehow...
For a biopic of a real-life person, this feels like an oddly standard mob thriller....
Alice once again returns to Wonderland and meets a lot of familiar faces. This time...
Edward Scissorhands is no ordinary boy, as his name may tell. Created by a genius...