We've been expecting these Mortdecai reviews for the past couple of days - but ultimately, we knew what was coming. It was the calm before the storm. And now we're in the grip of a full blown twister. 

MortdecaiJohnny Depp plays the debonair art dealer Charlie Mortdecai in 'Mortdecai'

" There surely won't be a film in 2015 worse than this art-heist romp, starring Johnny Depp," wrote the Telegraph in its leader to Robbie Collin's 1-star review of the movie.

Now, we're not sure whether it's Depp or his agent at fault here, but the movie star - once one of the most versatile and talented on the planet - has a recent credits list that leads: Alice in Wonderland, The Tourist, Rango, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, The Rum Diary, Dark Shadows, The Lone Ranger, Transcendence, Into the Woods and Mortdecai. And that's worrying. 

His latest movie sees Depp take on the role of debonair art dealer Charlie Mortdecai who must traverse the globe armed only with his good looks and "special charm". Yep, that is what the movie is about.

MortdecaiJohnny Depp [L] as Charlie Mortdecai, and Paul Bettany [R] in 'Mortdecai'

"It's hard to think of a way in which the experience of watching the new Johnny Depp film could be any worse," said Collin in his review, "...unless you returned home afterwards to discover that Depp himself had popped round while you were out and set fire to your house."

"For all its minor offenses against taste and decency, the sole unforgivable sin that Mortdecai commits is one that would leave its rakish anti-hero aghast. Because the film that bears his name is ultimately a frightful, crashing bore," wrote Todd McCarthy of the Hollywood Reporter.

"Mortdecai, a perky but obstinately unfunny heist caper with a hero irksome enough to make any happily mustachioed man reconsider his life choices," said Guy Lodge of Variety.

Directed by David Koepp and co-starring Gwyneth Paltrow, Ewan McGregor, Paul Bettany, Olivia Munn, Jeff Goldblum, Mortdecai is in cinemas in the US and UK on Friday, January 23, 2015. 

Watch the trailer for Mortdecai: