What Are You Seeing This Weekend? Captain Phillips, Escape Plan, Enough Said?
Say 'that Tom Hanks one' to the person asking you, 'which film?'
Without making the tired, systematic glee-filled statement that ‘it’s Friday’ and ‘it’s time for fun’ - because most people have to walk their dogs and tidy the house on the weekend instead of drinking coffee and watching cooking programs – we’d like to alert you to the fact that it is, indeed, Friday.
Tom Hanks is Captain Phillips
But you can’t clean at night. That’s a fact. So what you’ll probably do is head to the pictures. You’ll sit in a chair, delve your paws into a box containing heated kernels of maize and stare blankly while a multitude of rich people, realising their dream jobs, entertain the millions who never will.
But hang on, we’ve missed a step; you haven’t decided what film to see yet! There are some goodies and – as ever – some tripe-filled ones for you to choose from.
Kicking off is Capt. Phillips, which is annoying because we shouldn’t have to write anything more. Just see Capt. Phillips. Anyway it’s really good, and, apart from a few shoddily penned reviews from people attempting something close to contrariety, the critics have cuddled it, wearing big fluffy ponchos… on a beanbag.
You might not be up for a third hand tale of a ship hijacking and subsequent shenanigans. You just might not be up for it. In that case, go see Enough Said. Everyone’s seen the Sopranos, and if you haven’t, we’re not going to tell you why you should, because as soon as you step out the door, someone will.
Seriously, they’ll start talking to you about how you feel for Tony Soprano even though ‘he’s bad’.
Enough Said is romantic comedy about a couple of 50+ers who start going out. It’s weird because Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s character knows James Gandolfini’s characters ex-wife, and she tells her all the bizarre and annoying things he does. Like, ‘he’s fat and he breathes heavily’.
If neither of those films makes you think: ‘I want to see that’ then stop putting “films” under ‘interests’ on your online dating profile you troglodyte. You can watch Escape Plan – the action thriller film starring Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger and an inescapable prison (which they escape from, probably) - though.
At best you can describe it as entertaining nonsense. But that’s at best. At worst you could describe it as a disgusting, disgraceful and unjustified waste of money and time, for everyone – the people behind the script, filming, casting, press, merchandise, box office assistants, the guys who clean the cinema after you’ve gone and the bus driver – involved.
See Captain Phillips.
The poster for Enough Said