Motherhood has forced actress Angelina Jolie to give up her self-destructive ways - because she couldn't bear to think of her adopted son MADDOX having to fend for himself.
The former wildchild admits that even during her happiest moments with former husband Billy Bob Thornton, she still had dangerous thoughts.
But her days of cutting herself with knives to feel "honest pain" and contemplating suicide are now long gone.
She says, "I think when you make a decision to have a child you cannot think about suicide again, and you can't be self-destructive, and you can't decide to go out and get drunk."
Jolie, 28, admits her son has given her a life she never imagined she would ever have.
She adds, "It's the most amazing thing when he's hurt or upset about something and he wants me to hold him and that makes it better. It makes me feel I somehow have a purpose.
"I didn't know what I'd be like as a parent and I've realised I love being a mom. He's focused my life. There's such a clarity I never knew.
"I was always worried about something or needing to go from one place to another. He makes me sit down and colour for two hours and there's nothing you can do, and it's great."14/07/2003 21:06