There's basically just one joke in this scruffy British comedy, and it's dragged out painfully for the better part of an hour before the script finally clicks into gear. Likeable actors help hold our interest until then, giving realistic performances even if everything about the movie is deeply implausible. And at least the final act has some genuine wit in it.
It starts three months before the wedding of Kyle and Lydia (Philip McGinley and Emily Atack), as Kyle's best man Jarvis (Mark Stobbart) takes him on a series of stag-night activities including naked paint-balling and a visit to a brothel. When Kyle discovers that he has a sexually transmitted disease, he decides not to tell Lydia. But how can he avoid sex until the final all-clear test in 90 days time? Jarvis offers several elaborate excuses, while Kyle chooses a more subtle approach. But even without knowing what's up, Lydia begins to doubt whether they should get married.
First of all, who plans a stag night three full months before the wedding? This is the kind of boneheaded logic that infuses the entire film and leaves us unable to believe anything that happens. Obviously, the real problem in this relationship isn't that Kyle has contracted an STD, but that he's unable to be honest with the woman he plans to marry. Writer-director Ben Cookson never even touches on this, instead barrelling on with the goofy antics.
Continue reading: Almost Married Review