Alexis Thorpe

Alexis Thorpe

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Pledge This! Review


Unbearable
Rarely have I truly said "I wish I had my 90 minutes back" and meant it sincerely. But Pledge This! is a film with absolutely no saving graces, nothing worth redeeming it. It's a waste of time in every way, but I guess I should have known: This is, after all, a movie that doesn't just feature Paris Hilton; she's the headliner. The film is yet another Revenge of the Nerds ripoff, only with gawky sorority girls battling it out with Hilton, who rules over her own sorority and "admits" the awkward gals just to humiliate them later. The film borrows liberally from Strangers with Candy, too, featuring an older co-ed with a penchant for drugs and swarthy talk. There's plenty of gratuitous nudity, of course, and that's the film at its most intelligent. Ultimately, the film hits rock bottom when it turns into a promo piece for FHM magazine, which plans to feature Hilton and her sorority on its cover. Justice was done soon after Pledge This! was dumped on the market, however: FHM promptly went out of business.

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Pretty Cool Review


Good
God bless Rolfe Kanefsky.

I didn't think they made outright sex comedies any more. Sure, movies like American Pie and Road Trip veer in that direction, but a film where a guy becomes able to control people's minds -- and thus gets lots of girls to take their clothes off -- well, we haven't seen movies like this since the era of Porky's and H.O.T.S.

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The Forsaken Review


Terrible

My favorite part of every modern vampire movie is the inevitable scene in which the vampire leader (if the bloodsuckers are the protagonists) or the vampire hunter (if they're the antagonists) explains to an uninitiated character that all the popular myths about vampires are completely inaccurate.

"Here's the truth" they always say, then go on to explain the vampire rules made up to fit the plot shortcomings of that particular movie.

In "The Forsaken" -- a glossy, gory, half-heartedly hip attempt to remake "The Lost Boys" for the "Coyote Ugly" generation -- the ghouls are little more than Gap models with faded tans. They don't have fangs, they don't have any supernatural powers to speak of, and they're too lazy even to kill with a good old-fashioned bite to the jugular. They generally just shoot their prey and quaff their fill of plasma from the bullet wound. What a bunch of slackers.

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Alexis Thorpe

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