Pay good money to see Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever and you have nobody but yourself to blame. The signs, after all, shine so bright in warning you about this waste of brain cells that Stevie Wonder sent me an e-mail earlier this week telling me Ballistic would stink on ice.

Heck, even Stevie Wonder jokes are fresher than the Ballistic script. Blessed with the most ridiculous title in recent memory, Ballistic pits icy cool Antonio Banderas against smoldering hot Lucy Liu and watches the sparks fly. And fly. Then explode. And then fly some more. Liu, as rogue DIA agent Sever, kidnaps a child who's unknowingly carrying the latest invention of an unidentified shadow government. The device turns soldiers into flawless assassins. Eager to get their own hands on the device, the FBI blackmails former agent Jeremiah Ecks (Banderas) into stopping Sever and retrieving the boy.

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