My favorite part of every modern vampire movie is the inevitable scene in which the vampire leader (if the bloodsuckers are the protagonists) or the vampire hunter (if they're the antagonists) explains to an uninitiated character that all the popular myths about vampires are completely inaccurate.
"Here's the truth" they always say, then go on to explain the vampire rules made up to fit the plot shortcomings of that particular movie.
In "The Forsaken" -- a glossy, gory, half-heartedly hip attempt to remake "The Lost Boys" for the "Coyote Ugly" generation -- the ghouls are little more than Gap models with faded tans. They don't have fangs, they don't have any supernatural powers to speak of, and they're too lazy even to kill with a good old-fashioned bite to the jugular. They generally just shoot their prey and quaff their fill of plasma from the bullet wound. What a bunch of slackers.
Continue reading: The Forsaken Review
Designed for maximum sexploitation while still coming in under the PG-13 mark, "The In Crowd" is a movie about back-stabbing, barely legal country club hotties with WonderBra wardrobes and soap opera lives.
It has membrane-thin plot about a sultry teenage psych ward out-patient (Lori Heuring) who gets a job at a Hamptons resort and falls in with the manipulative queen bee of the trust fund pack. It stars an assemblage interchangeable daytime drama cast-offs who meow their way through one-dimensional roles that don't require talent so much as shampoo commercial hair and firm, round breasts.
The primary mission of this vaguely deliberate festival of fresh-faced actress indignity seems to be crowbarring into the narrative as many cheap peeks at naked boobs as possible. See-through bras and wet white shirts are abundant. On a couple occasions, the movie grinds to a halt for a quick glimpse of bare nipple. And just for good measure, there's a little girl-girl action thrown in.
Continue reading: The In Crowd Review
'Smalls Change (Meditations Upon Ageing)' arrives in April.
The two awards have made for a great 72nd birthday present for the country music icon.